I put a picture of my daughter in a titanium locket necklace

I wanted her to be strong and independent

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Potential_Pandemic
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad used โ€œtitanium dioxidesโ€ in a sentence...

So my sister is writing a research paper for her PhD and it involves titanium dioxides. This is an actual email my Dad sent the family email chain while we were discussing the paper (all names have been changed for privacy):

โ€œ"Aunt Jane! Can you use the term titanium dioxides in a sentence so we can better understand its meaning?" asked her curious niece at the Thanksgiving family meal.

"Sure" said Dr Doe, "Mr and Mrs Tanium ran a tannery for years. Their son Ty used to shoot water buffaloes for sport, but his parents convinced him that he should at least save the pelts. So now his parents and Ty Tanium dye ox hides!"

Beat that one!


๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/b0rgullet
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear? Oxygen and Magnesium are going out!

I was like "OMg!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alexc1000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The best joke my dad ever told

My dad is really proud of this one. It's the only joke he's ever told that's been funny enough to make somebody laugh so hard that they spit out of their nose. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this joke, so let me give you some context first:

He's been in a motorcycle accident (hit and run by an illegal immigrant), and had to have most of his vertebrae fused. They use titanium rods to hold your back from bending, so as you can imagine its kind of a major operation. His doctor prescribed a year (or longer if needed) of massage therapy, which he was thankful for. Twice a week he went in to a small clinic for a few hours at a time, and usually had the same masseuse. Let's call her Marge.

After four months of therapy they of course got to know each other very well. He was always faithful to my mother, but he was good friends with Marge. Their conversations range all the way from baseball to differentials, and everything stays platonic.

Here's where the story begins:

During a massage, they are having an energetic conversation, the time comes where he turns onto his back so that she can get to his knee ligaments (chainsawed his kneecap a few years prior, doc said may as well get there too). She goes at it like normal, and the conversation continues. Now here comes the part that made my dad wait to tell me this until recently: The "stimulation" in his knee for some reason, on that day out of all others, triggered a reflexive erection. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

The conversation goes quiet. Marge notices, but doesn't say a word. She remains professional. She continues working. My dad is more embarrassed than he's ever been. Several minutes of silence pass, and my dad cant take it anymore.

"Marge," he says, "I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

He raises his head to look down the table at her. He glances at it, then back to her. With a slight shake of his head he says:

"Wait nevermind, it's only his trunk"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 149
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heโ€™s 0K now.

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you canโ€™t helium or curium, you barium!

Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.

Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!

Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because itโ€™s in the ground state.

How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocadoโ€™s number.

If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.

Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

What element is a girlโ€™s future best friend? Carbon.

I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na

Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heโ€™s 0K now.

What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium

What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe

What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A โ€˜gramโ€™ cracker.

What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)

What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.

How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a โ€œcarbonkneelโ€

What did one titration tell the other? Letโ€™s meet at the endpoint.

How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.

Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.

Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na

Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because itโ€™s basic material.

Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down

Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How mean are dadjokes allowed to be...?

yesterday at lunch, one of my friends said that his coworker would be out all week because a horse kicked her in the leg. Apparently it shattered so much she had to get a titanium(?) pole placed and everything. Today, we ate with another of his coworkers, who asked if he told us about coworker1's leg.

He said "Yes."

I said, "Which part?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Snorgledork
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.