What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
What do you call a Turkish car mechanic?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions
Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.
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︎ Oct 06 2020
I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.
And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
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︎ Aug 26 2020
The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator
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︎ Aug 30 2020
My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.
Now I know I'm getting some wear.
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︎ Sep 10 2020
I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...
But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good
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︎ Jun 12 2020
I asked my mechanic why everyone made fun of what was on my wheel
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︎ Jul 06 2020
My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with my...
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︎ Feb 16 2020
What fish makes the best mechanic?
TunerFish!
My son came up with that one yesterday, future smart ass dad in training.
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︎ Jul 15 2020
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, โDo you have any idea why my car is humming?โ
He replied, โProbably because it doesnโt know all the lyrics.โ
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︎ Jul 12 2020
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no thatโs just ice cream.
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︎ Apr 28 2020
I like the uniform mechanics wear...
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︎ May 31 2020
What is a mechanic's wet dream
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︎ Mar 01 2020
Did you hear about the mechanic that got addicted to drinking brake fluid?
He said he could stop any time he wants.
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︎ Dec 30 2019
How do you call a group of mechanics?
Carmen. I'll show myself out.
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︎ Oct 21 2019
Worst movie title idea - Temporal Mechanics:
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︎ Oct 29 2019
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didnโt see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tireโd.
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︎ Oct 06 2019
An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...
It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."
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︎ Jul 28 2019
What does a mechanic do after a one night stand?
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︎ Oct 20 2018
Queentum mechanics.
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︎ Jan 05 2019
I just picked up my car from the mechanic...
Iโd love to say they did a good job, but it feels like itโs really braking.
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︎ Aug 14 2019
I saw a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a car
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︎ Mar 23 2019
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
He picked up a wheel and spoke ๐
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︎ Jun 26 2019
My father, the elevator mechanic
My father has been working as an elevator mechanic most of his life. Whenever people ask him how work is going he says "It has its ups and downs"
Hes been making this joke for 27 years
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︎ Oct 09 2014
Why do dad jokes about quantum mechanics never work?
You cant know if theres a punch line or a punch wave
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︎ Apr 14 2019
Understanding Quantum Mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
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︎ Aug 27 2018
In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.
That's my Mployment record.
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︎ Feb 17 2019
What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?
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︎ Feb 11 2019
Two mechanics were making small talk about what happens when an engine is running but the car is in park.
You know, just some idle banter.
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︎ Jan 13 2019
What do you call a mechanic that does nothing but sit by the sofa?
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︎ Oct 01 2018
My dad is a hilarious mechanic
Dad: I have a coworker who is addicted to drinking brake fluid.
Me: Really?
Dad: Yeah, he says he can stop anytime.
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︎ Aug 26 2013
My granddad has become a car mechanic again.
I never knew this is what he meant when he said he was retiring.
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︎ Oct 05 2018
You know what bugs me about quantum mechanics?
They charge $500 to "fix" a bunch of stuff that probably wasn't even really wrong with your atom in the first place.
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︎ Jul 20 2018
I wonder if the mechanics at the Honda dealership had to take a Civics lesson...
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︎ Jan 22 2018
Did I ever tell you about the hard-working mechanic who had to push his car five miles on its hubcaps?
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︎ Apr 08 2017
Why did the Chicken take its vehicle to, the mechanic?
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︎ Jan 09 2018
Whats an italian car mechanic's favorite food?
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︎ Jul 10 2018
I'm an auto mechanic...
So I can safely say I don't understand the gay agenda.
But I do understand the Trans Mission.
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︎ Jan 31 2017
Never let a disorganized mechanic use your bathroom...
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︎ Oct 25 2017
(x-post from /r/motorcycles) My bike started lagging in power, so I took it to my local mechanic...
He told my timing was retarded. Somewhat offended, I asked him "when would it have been a better time to bring it in?"
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︎ Feb 19 2018
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
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︎ Aug 26 2019
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