My broken down car is haunted by the ghost of a mechanic...

He told me he really wants a pay rise but his supervisor can't review his performance without a working car-boo-rator.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/THPSROCKS
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2021
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My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.

Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/logansworth
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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How did the mechanic feel after he left the muffler shop?

He was exhausted

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Eggmanofficial
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22 2021
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I asked my mechanic why he was dressed as a female fox.

He said he was just vixen my car.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/incredibleinkpen
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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I really like what mechanics wear...

Overall

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/theskyguyuk
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2021
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I had a mechanic fix up my lunch

but he didn't know how to tuna salad

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Newlife1025
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have?

An Audi

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kickypie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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Why did the fish drive to the mechanic

They needed a โ€œtuna-pโ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/7rcross
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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Who's the best friend of a french mechanic?

Alain Qui

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Obviously_oliverus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.

Guess they needed an emergency service.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Darksteel_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are KKK members terrible car mechanics?

They never check under the hood.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/morsodo99
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a Turkish mechanic?

An automan

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gssn-nospace
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?

He woke up oily in the morning

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GitShiggles
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?

Snap-On tools!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thirteen_20
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions

Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jnolife
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PotBuzz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.

Me: Iron Man dies at the end.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nonbinaryhomosapien
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with my...
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/swion
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator

That was uplifting news

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrQuackalotOWO
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.

And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Toadfinger
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...

But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/djbodford1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.

Now I know I'm getting some wear.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DavideoandPhoto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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I asked my mechanic why everyone made fun of what was on my wheel

He said "It's a tire."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NetScr1be
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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What fish makes the best mechanic?

TunerFish! My son came up with that one yesterday, future smart ass dad in training.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/v650
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, โ€œDo you have any idea why my car is humming?โ€

He replied, โ€œProbably because it doesnโ€™t know all the lyrics.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FinalCaveat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...

He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.

Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.

Penguin: Ah no thatโ€™s just ice cream.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JalepenoPeppers
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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What is a mechanic's wet dream

Mรถtorhead

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SebastianLi1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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Did you hear about the mechanic that got addicted to drinking brake fluid?

He said he could stop any time he wants.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kerlandays
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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What does a mechanic do after a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Is_A_Healer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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How do you call a group of mechanics?

Carmen. I'll show myself out.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Chaisz3r0
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Queentum mechanics.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EkskiuTwentyTwo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...

It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mindyourtongueboi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Worst movie title idea - Temporal Mechanics:

The Early Years.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Toadfinger
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didnโ€™t see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tireโ€™d.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tigreye007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My father, the elevator mechanic

My father has been working as an elevator mechanic most of his life. Whenever people ask him how work is going he says "It has its ups and downs" Hes been making this joke for 27 years

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lancerfan55
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 09 2014
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I just picked up my car from the mechanic...

Iโ€™d love to say they did a good job, but it feels like itโ€™s really braking.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PHPWarrior
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I saw a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a car

It looked exhausting

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bettercallbert
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Understanding Quantum Mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DisRuptive1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?

Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?

He picked up a wheel and spoke ๐Ÿ˜‚

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/__MrJ__
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad is a hilarious mechanic

Dad: I have a coworker who is addicted to drinking brake fluid.

Me: Really?

Dad: Yeah, he says he can stop anytime.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/coldspagheti
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why do dad jokes about quantum mechanics never work?

You cant know if theres a punch line or a punch wave

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Innarhythm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.

That's my Mployment record.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?

He nuts and bolts

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a Turkish car mechanic?

Automan

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mahamsoomro
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 31
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LordCinko
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I like the uniform mechanics wear...

Overall.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/EmperorOfFabulous
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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