My broken down car is haunted by the ghost of a mechanic...
He told me he really wants a pay rise but his supervisor can't review his performance without a working car-boo-rator.
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︎ May 23 2021
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
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︎ Apr 03 2021
How did the mechanic feel after he left the muffler shop?
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︎ May 22 2021
I asked my mechanic why he was dressed as a female fox.
He said he was just vixen my car.
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︎ Apr 24 2021
I really like what mechanics wear...
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︎ May 08 2021
I had a mechanic fix up my lunch
but he didn't know how to tuna salad
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︎ Apr 28 2021
What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have?
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Why did the fish drive to the mechanic
They needed a โtuna-pโ
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︎ Apr 27 2021
Who's the best friend of a french mechanic?
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︎ Mar 17 2021
I saw an ambulance with the lights on at the local mechanics today.
Guess they needed an emergency service.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Why are KKK members terrible car mechanics?
They never check under the hood.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
What do you call a Turkish mechanic?
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?
He woke up oily in the morning
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︎ Dec 23 2020
What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions
Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.
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︎ Oct 06 2020
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
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︎ Aug 26 2019
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with my...
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︎ Feb 16 2020
The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator
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︎ Aug 30 2020
I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.
And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...
But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good
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︎ Jun 12 2020
My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.
Now I know I'm getting some wear.
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︎ Sep 10 2020
I asked my mechanic why everyone made fun of what was on my wheel
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︎ Jul 06 2020
What fish makes the best mechanic?
TunerFish!
My son came up with that one yesterday, future smart ass dad in training.
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︎ Jul 15 2020
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, โDo you have any idea why my car is humming?โ
He replied, โProbably because it doesnโt know all the lyrics.โ
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︎ Jul 12 2020
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no thatโs just ice cream.
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︎ Apr 28 2020
What is a mechanic's wet dream
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︎ Mar 01 2020
Did you hear about the mechanic that got addicted to drinking brake fluid?
He said he could stop any time he wants.
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︎ Dec 30 2019
What does a mechanic do after a one night stand?
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︎ Oct 20 2018
How do you call a group of mechanics?
Carmen. I'll show myself out.
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︎ Oct 21 2019
Queentum mechanics.
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︎ Jan 05 2019
An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...
It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."
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︎ Jul 28 2019
Worst movie title idea - Temporal Mechanics:
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︎ Oct 29 2019
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didnโt see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tireโd.
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︎ Oct 06 2019
My father, the elevator mechanic
My father has been working as an elevator mechanic most of his life. Whenever people ask him how work is going he says "It has its ups and downs"
Hes been making this joke for 27 years
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︎ Oct 09 2014
I just picked up my car from the mechanic...
Iโd love to say they did a good job, but it feels like itโs really braking.
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︎ Aug 14 2019
I saw a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a car
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︎ Mar 23 2019
Understanding Quantum Mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
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︎ Aug 27 2018
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
He picked up a wheel and spoke ๐
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︎ Jun 26 2019
My dad is a hilarious mechanic
Dad: I have a coworker who is addicted to drinking brake fluid.
Me: Really?
Dad: Yeah, he says he can stop anytime.
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︎ Aug 26 2013
Why do dad jokes about quantum mechanics never work?
You cant know if theres a punch line or a punch wave
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︎ Apr 14 2019
In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.
That's my Mployment record.
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︎ Feb 17 2019
What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?
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︎ Feb 11 2019
What do you call a Turkish car mechanic?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
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︎ Aug 26 2020
I like the uniform mechanics wear...
๐︎ 4
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︎ May 31 2020
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