My local meat market is offering Wookie meat

it's chewy

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bibs4353
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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What's the cheapest thing you can buy in the meat market?

A deer testicle because it's under a buck.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SkyStar1991
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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Ostrich meat would be a market I could get into to make some good money...

but it probably wouldn't take off.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/197708156EQUJ5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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They stopped letting felines roam free in the meat market at the grocery store...

Too many animal related injuries, they were too delicat

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/205throwitup
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
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Did you hear that Kanye West is marketing his own brand of meat sauce?

Itโ€™s called bolognyeezy.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jakeopolis
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/techtornado
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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Two livestock farmers were sat in the pub arguing over the governmentโ€™s upcoming ban on exporting live animals...

The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....

The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.

Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

โ€œThis time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because itโ€™s such a terrible idea... in fact, Iโ€™m willing to bet on it. If Iโ€™m wrong, and they donโ€™t repeal it, Iโ€™ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if Iโ€™m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a yearโ€.

The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and wonโ€™t be repealed. So he says โ€œdealโ€.

The beef farmer carries on:

โ€œActually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that Iโ€™ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, Iโ€™m willing to bet on it. If Iโ€™m wrong, and this policy doesnโ€™t mean I need to sell half my cows, Iโ€™ll give you free steaks for a year. But if Iโ€™m right, and I do need to sell half my cows, you have to give me your prized boar, pumbaโ€.

The pig farmer is confident that the beef farmer wonโ€™t need to sell any cows. So he says โ€œdealโ€.

12 months pass following the introduction of the live export ban. The government hasnโ€™t repealed the policy, but unfortunately the beef farmer has had to sell most of his cows.

Both farmers reconvene at the pub. The beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

โ€œWell, it seems you were right about one thing but wrong about the other...

So... You may have won the cattle, but youโ€™ve lost the boar!โ€.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dens382
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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