β€ͺCAN you raise your voice unto the malt, sing songs and Heineken of glory‬
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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They say if you mix Rye malt with a platinum utensil it's delicious

But I'm not sure it's worth the Whisk

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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This bottle of water was sold by an English company but it is ...
πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ask-a-physicist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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Here is a series of increasingly terrible math puns.

What kind of math do birds use?

Owl-gebra

What kind of math does a farmer use?

Cow-culus

What kind of math should you avoid if you have carpal tunnel?

A-wrist-metic

Which mathematical process would you use to find the total amount of chinaware you have?

Ad-dish-on

Which mathematical process would be most commonly found in a 1950's style diner?

Malt-iplication

If one runner on team injured her leg, how would you find out how many can still run?

Sub-track-tion

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkipperXIV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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Why did the farmer get arrested for having headaches?

Because he had my grains

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IONTOP
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
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NEW!! Celebrity Fun in the Pun candle line!

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the β€œI wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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Moth balls

Were (my parents, aunt, uncle and I) out getting ice cream, when my mom points out malt ball ice cream. my dad, being the joker he is, says "moth balls? that's a weird flavor" we have a laugh, get our ice cream, and walk outside. In the wake of "moth balls", I ask my uncle "have you ever smelled moth balls?"

"of course" he responds.

I nod my head, then promptly ask "how'd you get the little things legs apart?"

.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquidManHero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
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Can't let him live this one down.

Years ago, my father and his wife were stuffing whoppers, sour patch kids and other assorted candies into stockings. He turns to her and says in all seriousness, "Did you just fart?"

She says no, of course.

Dad: "That's funny, because I smell a whopper!"

Additional info if necessary - Whoppers are chocolate covered malt balls.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prototypexx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
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I am taking notes from and expert.

A family comes into the store. The daughter walks up to the malts, which are called f'reals, and says "I'm going to have one of these."

The dad responds with, "F'real? That's what you are going to get?"

The mom looks at her daughter and says, "Ugh, don't listen to him."

EDIT- Shout out to the spelling in the title.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/121ashton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
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My dad got my mom today

A bit of a background, my mom is a nurse who works in day surgery and talks to patients before their sugery and often tells us about people's she met. Today the former CEO of Cadbury Canada came in and is from Malta. Cue my dad with "I wonder if his favourite chocolate is malt" many groans were had by all

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReapingTurtle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2014
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