What do you get if you divorce your mail-order bride?

A FedEx-Wife

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📅︎ Feb 16 2021
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We ordered some mail-order chickens a few months ago. Today, one of my housemates said it's looking like one of them is turning out to be a rooster.

I'm like, "Well see, we shoulda gotten female-order chickens instead, that's our problem right there. We're lucky the rest didn't turn out to be roosters too!"

This was an honest-to-god real conversation I just had with my housemate earlier tonight. :)

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📅︎ Sep 02 2020
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My mail order bride arrived today, deceased. The coroner's report noted she was missing an organ...

and the company refused to refund my purchase because it had already been de-livered.

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📅︎ Feb 15 2019
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I told my Russian mail-order bride about my 304.8mm fetish

She's willing to go the extra 1.60934km for me.

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👤︎ u/Target359
📅︎ May 04 2018
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If a clock you ordered arrived in the mail,

That means your time is here

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👤︎ u/Pro-Do
📅︎ Mar 08 2021
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If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN

They get really upset.

👍︎ 15k
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📅︎ Aug 22 2020
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I entered a pun contest once

You had to send in your best puns, via snail mail, in an orderly list. I sent ten in, thinking at least one would win me a prize, but no pun in ten did.

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📅︎ Jan 21 2020
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Got my wife today

Mail order brides are awesome, am I right?

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👤︎ u/ryanando
📅︎ Mar 23 2015
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Got my wife this morning!

But the mail-order company sent the wrong one so I had to send her back.

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📅︎ Apr 21 2015
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My co-worker didn't see the value in patience

I work at a shipping company. We'll call it YouPS. Anyway, my coworker, Jose, sees a barbell and asks me, "Why do people order weights in the mail?" I said back to him "I don't know, Jose. I guess they figured they could weight for it."

He just stared with anger as I laughed too hard to myself.

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👤︎ u/elcielo17
📅︎ Mar 18 2015
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Serendipitous dadjoke sticker on a box

My daughter was straightening up a pile of stuff in the kitchen, and picked up a small blue empty decorative box. "What's this?" she asked.

Ever the dad, of course I answered, "It's a box..."

She rolled her eyes and said, "No, Dad, what's it from?" But it didn't end there.

She handed the box to me and I started speculating that it looked about the size of box for a watch. Then Mom said she thought it was from a necklace I had given her for Mother's Day.

Just to be clear, Mom had sent me an e-mail "hint" in the form of a link to order the necklace, so being a dutiful hubby, I ordered it. She caught the package in the mail as soon as it arrived and opened it right away, several days before Mother's Day. So I had never even seen the box. No wonder I couldn't identify it. Just saying.

Meanwhile I was turning the box over in my hand and noticed a little gold sticker on a corner of the box. I handed the box back to my daughter and said, "Here, read the sticker."

She took the box back and looked at the sticker. It said, "BOX, Made in China."

I said, "See? I was right." She threw the box at me.

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📅︎ May 18 2016
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Got dadjoked by an older female coworker

Older coworker asks me to find a mail order and gives me the SKU to find it and this is how the conversation goes

Me:I know this is the right phone case but I'm not sure why the SKU doesn't match.

Her:Looks like the number is SKU'd up.

Her:Do you get it?

She is a cute 50 year old lady and I just couldn't stop laughing.

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📅︎ Nov 28 2014
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I just got dad joked by my 14 year old nephew.

Talking with my niece about her senior project at a technical high school. She is in the culinary program and must make a dish representing her heritage. Since she is 50 % Native American, she went with Venison Chili.

My husband and I are hunters and we were able to provide her with some venison this year.

She mentioned another girl in the class was also doing venison but she ordered hers online and it was mailed to her.

I told her that hers was going to be better because hers was fresh.

Her younger brother looked at me with the most serious look on his face and asked, "If it's fresh, should we put it in the corner?"

Man, is he exactly like his father (my brother) and grandfather.

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👤︎ u/Jenivare
📅︎ Feb 16 2014
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