If I made a bot that spams every person who claims to be a member of the Pun Police with puns...
it would be a fully automatic machine pun.
My wife called me a sex machine
Well, her exact words were, “You’re a fucking tool” but I knew what she meant.
My friend writes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter. Or sew it seams.
So I'm not fat but I tried the rowing machine
Yet another job lost to machines
Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine?
He wanted his Quarter back.
What kind of fax machine did the Trump Administration use?
An alternative facts machine.
There was a fog machine on sale, but I didn't have enough cash.
It was a mist opportunity.
The worker penny machine at the mint suddenly stopped working for no reason.
It just doesn’t make any cents
What do you call a cat in a vending machine
I asked my personal trainer at the gym, which type of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women?
He suggested, the cash machine .
Accidentally knocked my grandmas ashes into a fog machine....
What do you type into a time machine if you want to go to Christmas?
Present Day.
I haven't tried it, but pretty sure it'll work.
It's the story of a father that invented a machine.
He shows it to his son, all proud, and says : "You see, son, when you put a donkey in this end of the machine, a sausage will automatically come out."
The son, very confused, asks : "But dad, is there a way to do the opposite, insert a sausage and a donkey comes out?"
The father proudly answers : "Yes son, your mom."
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
When the cloning machine worked...
My personal trainer was upset at me because I kept using the same machine at the gym
It was the vending machine
Dogs can't operate MRI machines,
Dogs can’t use MRI machines.
I may not have the fanciest dough mixing machine...
but it handles all my kneads.
Broken pub quiz machine for sale. . .
My wife has begun writing songs about her sewing machine
She wants to be a Singer-songwriter, or sew it seams.
True story: I sent my dad a picture of the loaf of bread I made witha bread machine. He instantly responded with :
I bought a new answering machine.....
I asked the trainer at the gym, which machine I should use to impress the ladies?
He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "
Did you hear about the daughter Anakin had after becoming more machine than man?
My French pastry machine doesn't work anymore.
The pulley is the most egotistical of all the machines.
It’s always the centre of a tension.
To get to the time machine.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The worst thing about driving a Time Machine....
.....is the kids at the back asking, "Are we then yet?"
Tennis ball machine for sale. Only $100.
Had it over a year now. Has served me well.
I got my chips before I put my money into the vending machine
I guess it's out of order.
The Lord of the Rings official pinball machine doesn’t take quarters.
What do you call an Indian using a karaoke machine?
I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops.
He must be in some extreme mist group.
A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops.
He must be part of some extreme mist group.
I bought a coin machine yesterday and I can't figure out how it works
It literally makes no sense
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...
I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are “Out of Order”
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.
He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working.
It doesn’t make any cents.
The 20c making machine at The Mint suddenly stop working for no reason.
It just doesn't make any cents
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation.
It doesn’t make any cents.
Dogs can’t operate MRI Machines
Every machine in the coin factory broke down all of a sudden without explanation.
It just doesn’t make any cents.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, without explanation.
It doesn't make any cents!
My friend composes songs about sewing machines
He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.
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