Saw a one-legged man at the ATM this morning.

He was checking his Balance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/streety22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
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Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?

It suffered from withdrawals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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Think a lot of us can relate to this atm.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PachaFerrera
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
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A little old lady at the ATM asked me to help check her balance.

All it took was one good shove to tell it was terrible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MookieV
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
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How much money is inside the ATM?

80M

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Banks need to get better at restocking these ATMs

This is now the fifth one that has insufficient funds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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I drew Β£30 out of the ATM earlier. A couple of minutes later I heard the sound of 'Nessun Dorma' coming from my wallet.

"Must be those three tenners" I thought to myself

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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There was a one legged man at the ATM this morning..

He was checking his balance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sprice-3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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An old woman at the ATM asked if I could help her check her balance.

I pushed her and she fell over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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I thought about robbing an ATM.

It didn't make cents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/samhasclams
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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How much money does an ATM hold?

80 M

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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I was at an ATM and an old lady asked if I could help check her balance..

So I pushed her over

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imakehamforalivin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Worlds first ATM turned 50 today

I gave it a card

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WigJr
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
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Be Careful Standing On One Leg At The ATM!!!!

Worst way to check your balance. crickets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Younggsergg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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Wikipedia says there are only 2 atms in Antarctica.

But you shouldn't use them unless you want your assets frozen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Droopyk1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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canada atm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bibachah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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I was using the ATM when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance

So I pushed her over

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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I know a lot of jokes about cash machines. I just can't think of one atm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeylee23
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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A fox went to a nearby ATM machine, and took out his card.

A girl nearby and a monkey screamed, "Swiper, no swiping!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SauceMaster6464
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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I saw a guy standing on one leg at an atm

Confused, i asked him what he was doing, he said he was just checking his balance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AstroBoots21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
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They should stock ATM's better.

I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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I met a man standing on one leg at an ATM. I asked him what he was doing.

He said β€œOh, I was just checking my balance”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noeltm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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I was standing in line at an ATM

There were 4 people ahead of me, and the ATM itself is inside a small structure with big glass windows that could pass as a miniature storefront. An older man walked by us and yelled "Must be a sale on money!"

Only I laughed. There was even a dad in line with his daughter who didn't get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostlyImage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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You can use your library card to take out money at an ATM...

... but you have to return it within two weeks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lord_dumbello
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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Why did the man walk on one foot to the ATM ?

Because he wanted to know his balance πŸƒ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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A talking, mindreading ATM would be an Automatic Telling ATM Machine...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Synaps4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banjowashisnameo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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"Dude I think that atm machine just lost a few pounds"

"Dude I think that atm machine just lost a few pounds," my friend told me after I withdrew some cash.

"Actually, I think it goes by USD here"

It was a proud remark of mine I had last night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_A_DOGE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
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I was going to go into a long explanation of how to access an ATM machine but...

...let's put a pin in that for a moment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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Getting really annoyed now, this is the 6th ATM I've been to thats had "insufficient funds"!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eternalrocket
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
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ATM message after a failed Comedian tried to withdrawal from his account-

"Cannot withdrawal, insufficient puns."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/king9510
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Was at the ATM when an old lady asked me if I could help her check her balance

So I pushed her and she fell over

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhParfait
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Damn ATM.

I went to the only ATM in town to draw some money; but they didnt have a pencil.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteakBarker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2014
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World's first ATM turned 50 today

...happy birthday dad.

^its ^a joke ^about ^^DAD

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2017
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The ATM

My mom was at the ATM entering her password. Suddenly, a wild dad appeared and said : "hah, your password is so easy to remember. The characters are all X's. "

We all sighed deeply as he laughed uncontrollably, and proceeded our journey in Life ignoring what he just said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eexistencee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2016
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My mom pulls a dad joke at the ATM.

My mom and I park in front of the ATM so she can get some cash. I wait in the passenger seat as she goes to the ATM. I look up just in time to see her turn around and start jumping up and down saying "I won! I won!" like she just hit the jackpot at a slot machine. Oh gosh, that's embarrassing...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremymg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2014
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I work at a pawnshop/payday loan store and the payday loan girl was trying to fill the store ATM..

Girl: You guys have any twenties?

Boss: Go fish!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haydskies
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
🚨︎ report
How much money does an ATM hold?

80 M

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninoboy09
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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