Two fortune tellers meet on the street.

One says to the other, β€œYou’re fine, how am I?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 23
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I went to the bank teller and told him I wanted to change banks and open an account.

Man: No problem Sir. What’s the name of your previous bank?

Me: Piggy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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Teller Swift
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kay_joshi
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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Penn & Teller
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/treesmithmusic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a fortune teller's shop

He asks to have his future read and the fortune teller happily does so. After gazing into her crystal ball she starts to laugh uncontrollably. The man hits her immediately to which the teller asks: Why did you do that??????? The man replies, I've never struck a happy medium before

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fraudulent, short in stature fortune teller who escaped from jail?

The newspaper headline read β€˜Small Medium at Large’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
What do you call a short fortune teller who’s on the run?

A small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/millenialmami
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb

Couldn’t foresee the C4.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwonza
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
I asked the bank teller why the guy sitting at the next window was wearing a mask & a cowboy outfit?

She said he was the lone arranger.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
A man walked into the bank and asked the teller to check his balance.

So she pushed him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fortune teller who only sees the worst in things?

A pessi-mystic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapasatan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
Fortune teller: Someone near you is going to be dissapointed soon.

Dad: That'd be you; I've come out without my wallet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChronosGrundy03
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
When I was training to be a teller, an old woman came in and asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/British-Mystery
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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What do you call a short fortune teller that just broke out of prison?

A small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NaNullman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
Why do all fortune tellers have good eyes

Because they all have 20/20 vision

(Last time I can ever use that joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajpj27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Which dinosaur was widely regarded as the best fortune teller?

The tarotdactyl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/budcuddly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Helen Keller had a side job as a fortune-teller.

She was really good at palm reading.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myusernameisfish
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JJDDooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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Fortune tellers are easy to buy clothes for.

They’re all mediums.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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What did the baker say to the teller while robbing the bank?

β€œSorry, but I knead the dough!”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bach563
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bank, walks up to the teller and asks, β€œHave you ever gone someplace and forget what you’re there for?” The teller looks at him, her eyes getting larger and larger.

The guy scratches his head with his gun saying, β€œI hate when that happens.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The dwarf fortune teller who kills his costumers...

...is a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanguinelimbo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do call a midget fortune-teller that escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roecaro1HD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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Have you heard about the bank teller who killed a robber with a bag of change?

She nickel and dimed him to death.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chickenugget_TM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fat fortune teller?

A four chin teller.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrseaturtleYT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the tiny fortune teller that escaped from jail?

It’s a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the dwarf fortune teller that's on the lamb?

He's a small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/legdiyen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the French bank robber say to the bank teller handing him money?

"Baguette"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KreonTheSleepy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A Man In a Ski Mask Walks into a Bank, and Pulls out a Coffee Cup at the Bank Teller.

The Bank Teller Goes: " Are you Trying to Mug me?! "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Powershroom64
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Bank tellers can also be called...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who killed his customer?

He’s a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steezy96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that short, fortune-teller who escaped from prison?

Now there’s a small, medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okogamashii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crazy fortune teller?

A psychicpath

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sauron4pres
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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I was once fired from my job as a bank teller

I still don't know why the woman got so mad when I pushed her over to "Check her balance."

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QQtippy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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Why are bank tellers so zen?

Because they stay balanced.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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A midget fortune-teller has escaped from jail.

Police are on the lookout for a small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biggrumpybadger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the recluse say to the bank teller when he needed money?

Leave me a loan!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Be on the lookout for the midget fortune teller who murdered his client

He's a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FudgieDan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that killed her client?

She was a small medium at large.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyondyourlimits
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Fortune Teller
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dommenam
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
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My fortune teller told me she was feeling somewhere between elated and neutral

I called her a happy medium.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/equinstarbeat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A midget fortune teller who kills his customers

Is a small medium at large

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0b_l0b_law
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a forune teller on the internet?

A 4Chan-Teller

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRobot12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a short fortune teller who escapes from prison?

A small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who escaped GuantΓ‘namo Bay?

He's a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
🚨︎ report
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

.

.

.

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Ro

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goboatmen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2013
🚨︎ report
An old lady walks into her bank and asks the teller "Hey sonny, can you check my balance?"

So he pushed her over..

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freakinhuge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
🚨︎ report
A midget fortune teller kills his customer

I guess you could say he was a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wpm2003
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call an overweight fortune teller?

A large

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/optionalsilence
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who is on the run from the police?

He's a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atropos77
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked the bank teller

I need to deposit some money in my mom's account, my name is on it too. hands her id

Her: does your mom have a last name?

Me: yes she does have a last name.

She's young and really embarrassed

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jascarn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
🚨︎ report
What d'you call the amount of money a fortune-teller can make in a month, making predictions? [OC]

Her prophet margin!

..Not sorry, I've got to build up my repertoire of original jokes before my daughter's old enough to groan at them.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HylianHal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about a midget fortune teller who escaped from prison?

He was a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quisshole
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
🚨︎ report
Bank Teller got dad joked pretty badly by my dad

Leaving for vacation and my dad cashes in his coins he's been saving. We bring the voucher up to the teller.

Bank Teller: okay sir how would you like your money?

Dad: US currency preferably

Bank teller: long awkward pause as she gets him money

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Notsoh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, β€œGive me all your money or you’re geography!”

The teller replies, β€œDon’t you mean history?”

The robber says, β€œDon’t change the subject!"

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2018
🚨︎ report

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