A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.

It was shelf defense.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kylejay915
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all my lamps

I should be upset, but I’m delighted

πŸ‘︎ 581
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Koolvin88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Man, that burglar was so sensitive.

He takes things personally.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Two burglars are robbing a liquor store. One turns to the other and asks "Is this whiskey" ?

The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank"

πŸ‘︎ 215
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Santa is like a cat-burglar

...he even has the claws.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/salazarjohann
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of phone does a burglar use?

A no-key-a

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a radish burglar?

A Dai-con man.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hms_prunce
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside Fort Knox?

Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The goal of every burglar is a stainless steal.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/churniglow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole my reactor yesterday.

My wife is gonna go nuclear

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LargeBigHuge
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do burglars take when they’re sick?

Robber-tussin

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Bet the burglar also stole some vodka
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EkskiuTwentyTwo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Just seen a burglar kicking his own door in. I asked 'What are you doing ?'

He said, "Working from home"

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do burglars only wear striped shirts?

Because they don’t want to be spotted!

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superpie5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar break into his own house?

He had to work from home.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuzzie8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a burglar trying to kick in his own door, so I asked β€œWhat the hell are you doing?”

He said, β€œLike everyone else, I’m working from home.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
There was this kinky burglar who would sneak into people's bedrooms to give them a pedicure as they slept. .

He was a clip toe maniac

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are burglars so sensitive?

Because they take things personally.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
All you need to take down the ham-burglar
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kremit321
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

To prove that he was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a burglar get into your house?

Intruder window.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to know a cat burglar named Carl.

Carl had this calling card of his. When he was nearly done burgling a house, he would put a brick inside the victim's washing machine, and switch it on. The washing machine would destroy itself, and the owners would know that the perpetrator could only be Carl.

Carl's number eventually came up, when he burgled a house with three savage guard dogs. They put an end to his burglary career.

I guess you could say, washing machines live longer with Carl gone.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a burglar's loot sack?

An accessory to the crime.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gingerbearsw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Cal the burglar

So a guy named cal has been breaking into homes and putting bricks in washing machines, turning them on so they would get wrecked. he took some drugs and was found dead one morning, looks like washing machines will live longer with cal-gone

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HDxZOMBIEXx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A burglar breaks into a house and steals all the kitchen appliances...

Upon being caught, he returned all of the items except for the mixing tool. When the police asked him to return it he said, "sorry, this is a whisk I must take".

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar shower at his victim’s home

He wanted a clean getaway

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jusrile
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
The police caught the library burglar

I hear they threw the book at him.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglars steal soap?

They wanted a clean getaway.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Everenzi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What’d the k9 officer say to the burglar?

Paws!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about when the burglar snuck on the roof?

Me neither, he snuck very quietly

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikjb12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a burglar's favorite kind of footwear?

Sneakers.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteadyingRuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe some burglars broke into our local convenience store and stole 300 cans of Red Bull.

I don’t know how they can sleep at night.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are leopards such bad burglars?

Because they're always spotted!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Burglars have found a way to breach the White House without getting caught.

It was a breakthrough for them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToonyCream
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all of my lamps! I should be upset...

But I’m delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calm_Fan_381
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all my lamps

I should be upset but I am delighted

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twistyturtles
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all of my lamps.

I should be upset, but actually I’m delighted!

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cplaprade
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I just saw a burglar kick his own door in...

Me: "What are you doing?"

Burglar: "Working from home."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside Fort Knox?

Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside of Fort Knox?

Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!

Edit: Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold!

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all of my lamps

I should be upset, but I’m delighted

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eternalrefuge86
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all my lamps.

I should be upset, but I’m delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rstein656
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A burglar stole all my lamps. I should be upset..

But I’m delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djmuhlestein
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

To prove that he was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

To prove that he was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

To prove that he was framed!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.