It’s illegal to sell stocks from inside a bath of sparkling apple juice
Because that would be in cider trading
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama?
Because you don’t turn your back on family.
In Illinois, it's illegal to have legal possesion over fecal matter of any sort.
Can't have shit in Detroit.
Your honor is it illegal to throw sodium chloride in someone's eyes?
Judge: it's assault
I know it's a salt, is it a crime though?
what kind of nap is illegal in 50 states and the district of columbia
I opened an illegal distillery in North Korea
Did you hear the Trump administration is thinking about making it illegal to sell pre-shredded cheese?
Apparently they want to make America grate again.
If you do anything illegal in Russia
This is dope. (Yes, weed is illegal in India)
"If organ trafficking is illegal...."
"Then what about pianos?"
It should be illegal for London to go into lockdown over Christmas!
...That's capital punishment!
What’s the difference between illegal and unlawful?
One’s against the law and the other is a sick bird.
I was going on an illegal half marathon yesterday and the cops caught me.
I went shopping at Coles to buy Mayonnaise, but they said it was illegal to buy without cabbage and carrots.
What drug is illegal under the sea?
The school made the use of "bullet points" illegal because it incited violence in the classroom, and I must admit I couldn't have cared less. That's all changed now, though.
The bus driver isn't allowed to drive my kids anymore because we live on a dead end street.
Where do mice get their illegal alcohol?
You know those big round bales of hay? they are illegal in Wyoming...
Yeah, It turns out that the animals weren't getting a square meal.
Why was the Boston Tea Party illegal?
It was destruction of Private Proper Tea!
If you’re thinking about doing something illegal oil yourself up first.
That way you’re a smooth criminal.
Not many people know this, but Boy George had a taste for exotic and somewhat illegal Indian cuisine...
His favourite was the Korma Chameleon.
Watching out for illegal refills
What do you call illegal, fermented milk?
If I could have any superpower, I would choose invisibility. But I wouldn't use it to do anything ILLEGAL...
Why can't ants fund illegal activities ?
They have Anti Money Laundering
Shoplifting is illegal, but that's whisk I'm willing to take
I once tried to drive my Toyota Corolla with a stick shift on the Autobahn, but German authorities flagged me down and informed me that was illegal...
So I drove down the manualbahn instead.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
Watched a documentary on illegal drugs last night. Five Stars.
Most documentaries are more enjoyable that way.
What do illegal immigrants hate about the winter?
So Donald Trump (or "the Don" as some call him) has realized that illegal immigrants must be deported at night so that no one will see them leaving and complain...
The problem, however, is that there isn't enough light for the immigrants to find their way back to Mexico. Because of this, the Don institutes his "Early Light" plan in order to give the immigrants a way to see. One immigrant, Jose, is partially blind, so they are wondering if the "Early Light" program will still allow him to see. The ask him: Jose can you see by the Don's "Early Light."
I tried to open a bar inside a cave but the police stopped me. They said it was illegal to sell alcohol to miners..
I'm addicted to robbing chemistry stores. It is what I live for. I know that it's illegal, I know that it's dangerous. I've even nearly been killed a couple of times. But I don't care,
If you were moving something illegal, and a cop caught you, but you started dancing....
Who 'bust a move'? You or the cop?
I got injured in one of those illegal cockfighting pits.
Can you believe they let the other guy bring a bloody chicken!
An alternate world where it's illegal to make or even touch puns. Punsmiths are protesting against this.
There's a pun crying to be made here, but I can't put my finger on it.
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
Do you know why stealing is illegal?
What drug is illegal in the ocean
What is the difference between illegal and unlawful?
One is against the law and the other is a sick bird.
What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is just a sick bird.
Do you know the difference between unlawful and illegal?
One is a crime and the other's a sick bird.
( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
Did you hear they made round hay bales illegal?
Cows weren't getting a square meal.