I donβt even like PokΓ©mon just live puns
π︎ 181
π
︎ Feb 28 2019
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 662
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
π︎ 740
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
What vegetable lives in your heart?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
What do you call an elf that lives in New York City?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
Where do royal British ducks live?
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
π︎ 23
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
I finally see why people donβt like the live action DC films!
Because they donβt do the heroes justice
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
The best drummers are short guys who live in the city
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so heβd have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.
Guess weβll call him Eggplant now
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
Why do pirates live the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
What kind of habitat does a rabbit live in?
A rabitat.
My six year old just cooked this up; you're welcome.
π︎ 89
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
What animals love to live in a sewer?
π︎ 33
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
True story: My girlfriend just asked me if I knew any good jokes about physicists (my profession). I said yes, but they were all about physicists' dating lives.
So they're pretty much all one-liners.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
a wise man once said "thick thighs saves lives"
https://preview.redd.it/m5ilmigjv4v51.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce48ec5cbcddbacbbaf121aed97c0585e6467cda
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
What do you call a vengeful Australian spell caster who lives on the beach?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
Did you know Koalas live in groups?
So if you mess with one, they koala them to help...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
Which part of our body lives the longest?
π︎ 30
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
Why do sharks live in saltwater?
Because pepperwater makes them sneeze.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China
He says he can't complain
π︎ 265
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
In honor of the occasion. What do you call witches who live together?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
How many people live in South America?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
Where do iron workers live?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
Where do South American frogs live?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
My son kept chewing on live electrical wires
π︎ 821
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︎ Jun 29 2020
What has more lives than a cat? β¦
β¦ the frog in my garden. It croaks every night!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 26 2020
Why did the germaphobe go away to live by himself?
He wanted to be hermitically sealed.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
I live in the old city of Pompeii
I suppose you could say my life is in ruins
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
I live for dried grapes.
They are my raisin d'etre...
π︎ 39
π
︎ Aug 26 2020
What a sexist society we live in, today is National Daughter's Day and it's celebrated once a year.....
But we celebrate Son day every week!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
Where do all the comedians in Japan live?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 14 2020
What do you call the horses that live next door?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
Man must not live by bread alone.
He must also have peanut butter.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
Thereβs a horse that lives next door to me.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
I was watching a live performance when the floor gave way and one of the actors fell through. My wife asked if I thought they were ok.
I said Iβm sure theyβre fine, itβs just a stage theyβre going through.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
What kind of house do ninja turtles live in when they go on vacation from living in the sewers and fighting crime?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
My daughter tells me that she wants to live in a nice house with her friends when they all have stable jobs.
I said, βWell sweetie, thatβs nice, but I just canβt see you and your friends shoveling manure for a living.β
To which she replied, βOh no? I thought you said that I could be president if I wanted to!β
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Why do polar bears live only in the north pole?
Because if it also lived in the south pole it would be bipolar
π︎ 14
π
︎ Aug 13 2020
Most Russian people I know live life to the max
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 13 2020
Why can't Mike Tyson live in the Star Wars universe?
Because it's inhothpitable.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
Why do seagulls live near the sea?
If they lived by the bay, they'd be baygulls
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
Iβve decided to tell my kids that I want to live my life as a woman
Itβs better to be honest, I just want to be transparent
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jul 05 2020
The old lady who lives next door keeps talking about a small deep-ground reservoir...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
Why can't cats live on mars
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jul 31 2020
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ May 01 2020
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
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