My friends and I usually try to make as many terrible dad jokes as humanly possible. Today I came up with two...
Firstly, the other day in my Swedish language class I was conversing flirtatiously with a chick whom I sit near. She had said how she wants to be a lawyer, and the word for lawyer is "advokat" in Swedish. So I said "ah so you want to be en advokat? Cool, but why not a normal cat?"
And then earlier today I said to an American friend of mine:
"If Oregon had more of an Italian herbalist population, wouldn't it become Oregano?"
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
What did the fish say to the human
My wife said, “I don’t quite understand the science behind human cloning.”
Me: That makes two of us.
The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"
The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Humans go through reincarnation. What do shoes go through?
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs?
Severed Human Nose Found
I live across from a lake and some fisherman found a severed human nose. The detective on the case asked if I know who it belongs to. I replied, "no body nose."
So I read a study the other day claiming that “humans eat more bananas than monkeys”
Which to me sounded a bit obvious. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
Introducing the fauna of the human body
If I discovered a new element that is slightly denser than the human body.
I would name it hooman, so people could ask are we hooman or are we denser?
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
Ridiculously photogenic humans (Credit: how.how)
We all know that Albert Einstein was a genius...
But very few people know his brother Frank was a monster.
Did you hear about the human cannon-ball?
If humans were trees, how deep would the roots be ?
I have a human DNA joke
It’s pretty long. It comes in 46 parts. Also, everyone tells the joke differently, but usually family members tell pretty much the same joke.
What do Demons store human souls in?
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
I've just been offered a job as a human chess piece...
The money is good.
I'm on knights this week.
A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck.
He orders a drink, and asks for the check.
Duck billed platypus.
Edit: Thanks guys.
Which is the funniest bone in the human body?
How many bones are in a human hand?
How are humans like snowflakes?
It's hard to drive when too many of them get piled up on the roads.
What do you call the time period between the Bronze and Iron Ages where humans learned to cure meat?
Whats the difference between a human and an animal?
You can legally put down one
I think the flu is tired of humans
He said "I'm sick of you all"
Today I don't have a dad joke for you. I have a dad fact. Did you know humans eat more seeds than birds?
It's true! When was the last time you ate a bird?
How many bones are in a human body?
We are doing a jigsaw puzzle of the human anatomy, and I hid the upper arm.
Nobody else finds this humerus.
Kissing someone is human version of accepting germs and conditions
Did you hear about the human cannonball? Too bad he got fired!
So if GOAT stands for "Greatest of all time" what does HUMAN stand for?
Anything that they don't want to sit or lay down for
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
My friend hit it big taking pictures of salmon in human clothes.
He said it was like shooting fish in apparel.
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs...
So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".
Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has broke his back.
We didn’t have Oleg to stand on.
LPT: A quick and easy way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
If you want to make easy money, just take photographs of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
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