But Bill kept the Windows
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
He did every other thing on the list
But it was arson
I told him to go stand in the corner to warm up. It's 90 degrees.
A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"
"Very SHADY things."
It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.
They’re up to something...
I don't know how they sleep at night.
But they still manage to get back in.
..... oof !!
Igloos it together.
My kids are still able to get in the house.
He had Gno-cchi
I heard business is boo-ming
He replied, "Deadlifts."
I've been living here for 274 years and seen nothing strange.
He thought homes were built, not born.
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
When they left, the burglars took the stairs.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean
The man says to the bartender “1 for me, and 1 for the road”
Of course. Houses can’t jump.
It was shelf defense.
It's called Habitat for Huge Manatees.
I love a good murder conspiracy
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Have lofty dreams?
Sherlock Homeless
Call the SWAT team!
Apartments
A lighthouse
From my 7 year old.
Coldilocks
He calmly said it was just like a rolling stone.
It's a huge pane to clean.
A few months later, she came back and there was a bun in her oven.
When I walked in the place was great, everything was perfect apart from the kitchen. There were gas mains but no cooker! Work surfaces and water pipes, but no sink; empty plugs and spaces for where the fridge and freezer should sit.
When I bought the house I was told it was fully furnished! Furious, I called up intending to give whomever answered an earful.
I was told that everything should be arriving individually, and the house is being used as an experiment for completely autonomous, self thinking kitchen appliances!
Before I could reply there was a knock on the door. I opened it and a stove strolled in, tilted forward in a bow, slid past me and set itself into its spot! Even attaching itself to the gas mains!
Later that day another knock at the door signalled the arrival of the fridge and freezer.(who had travelled together) They bowed and sat themselves perfectly in place in my new kitchen. I was beaming!
That evening I was explaining to my wife how the appliances had arrived, when came another knock at the door. “This technology is going to change the world, I swear it!” I told her. “Can you answer the door? I’ve been on my feet all day”
“Yeah,” she replied, less enthusiastic than I,“but it’ll get to a point when humans are completely inferior.” She explained “When these machines develop such sentience, what’s stopping them from overthrowing us?” “Treating us as slaves, like we to them now?” She asked, distraught at theses ideas.
Knock knock
“It’s best not to worry about these things,” I said in an attempt to alleviate her fears.
“There are people- professionals developing contingencies for any possible future robot uprising!” “That future you’re frightened about is purely science fiction right now, and the way our collective knowledge and application of technology has advanced, (Even in the past 50 years!) our own scientists and engineers will be able to crush any worries we may have when the time comes.” I explained.
She sighed, agreeing somewhat reluctantly. “Don’t think on it now, have some faith!” I told her.
Knock knock
“Now let that sink in!”
"Sure thing, pardner. That's 20 cows," says Dad.
Omelette!!!
First floor has gone great, but the second floor is another story
"Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you."
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
