My neighbor got killed by a truck hauling cabbages

He never slaw it coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blechniven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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My friend got a job with a trucking company hauling beehives cross country.

Guess that makes him a U.S. bee driver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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My 3 year old was hauling his T-Rex by the tail

Since its a big, it was touching the ground my whole time. I turn to my wife and say "Did you know T-Rex are mythical beasts? See it's a draggin'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Notary_Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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BREAKING NEWS: Truck hauling pigment collides with tour bus on bridge and both fall into river

Thankfully no lives lost, but everyone dyed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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A cargo ship hauling produce sank out in the Atlantic the other day.

Did you hear about it? Apparently it had an overabundance of leeks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slovabomb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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My son and I were driving down the road when we saw a truck hauling a huge load of Goodyears. I said "I feel sorry for that guy"...

My son said: "why?"

Because he looks extremely "tired".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrewerGeo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2015
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Every time we see a truck hauling sod...

"Man, I wish I was that rich, where I could just send my lawn away to be mowed!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ancel3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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Me and my dad drove past a wrecked truck that happened to be hauling tomatoes...

He said to me "The driver must have been sauced."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azsunyx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2013
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Hauling my truck back to Michigan. My dad won't stop cracking this one, "Man that guy is on my ass!!" Followed by historically laughing.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mteazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
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If police pull over a U-Haul van

did they bust a move?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucas_m15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...

did he just bust a move?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What kind of boat only hauls women's underwear?

A pantiliner!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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Did you hear about the donkey who won the Kentucky Derby?

He was a real burrobread

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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This one's in it for the long haul
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πŸ‘€︎ u/c-it
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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I hired a group of protestant religious sect members to haul my furniture to my new house...

They were movers and Shakers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Saw a cop pull over a U-Haul yesterday...

Guess he was trying to bust a move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chizzle10
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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Semi drivers who haul almonds

Drive everybody nuts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smakattak
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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How to locomotives get in shape to haul freight?

They train.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Why do pirate ships go so fast?

Because they’re hauling booty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreedomDirty5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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What kinda hauls?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rabbitoncrack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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I once tried to haul a trailer with my car.

It all went off without a hitch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theydeletedme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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I was passed by a truck full of donkeys on my way home

It was really hauling ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CurGeorge8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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I pulled over a truck going 80 miles an hour in a 55 zone. He had a cargo of axe-like tools used for shaping large pieces of wood.

He was hauling adze!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Why did Emmeline Pankhurst hate long haul flights?

She would always suffragette lag afterwards

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate U-Hauls

Every turn is a u-turn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctrlaltdelmarva
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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After 30 years as a long haul truck driver.....

I am now semi retired! (Just saw this on Wheel of Fortune!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sjdiver2001
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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How about that actor who played the role of a U-haul truck?

I heard his performance was moving.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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Why’d the donkey become a truck driver?

Because he haul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoppaSquatt2010
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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What does a cafeteria and a garbage truck have in common?

They're both Mess Hauls!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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Saw a truck towing a horse trailer pulled over by the police

Must have been hauling a$$.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mullet0ver
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Why am I banned from owning a truck and a donkey at the same time?

I was hauling ass

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ledabmann
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Did you hear about the new movie sponsered by u-haul?

The reviews were so-so, but the trailers look great!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2015
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My friend opened a tailor shop that also is a moving service...

She hems and hauls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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What's the difference between U-haul and Youtube?

What's the difference between U-haul and Youtube?

It's not cool if I rack up a bunch of hits with U-haul.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pursuitofstumble
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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Saw a great tag line on the way to work this morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabunk7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard a story once about a train driver.

He was operating a late night train and fell asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognise a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given the choice of final meal and chose a single banana, oddly. His time came and he was placed into the chair, the room vacated and then the switch was thrown.

But... Nothing. No sparks, no burning, nothing. They checked the machine and it was working fine, it just seemed not to harm him. The state law meant that, legally, his sentence had been carried out and he was free to go. He walked away a free man, and actually got another job as a train driver.

Sadly, almost exactly the same thing happened again. This time his negligence killed two kids playing around on the tracks when again he'd fallen asleep and failed to stop the train in time. Hauled before the courts again, he got exactly the same sentence - the electric chair. He was asked again for his final meal, chose two bananas this time, and his sentence was carried out again.

And yet again, he didn't die. In fact, he was entirely unharmed. The state law remained the same, so he was let out again, where - somehow - he got another job with another train company. I guess it was the only job he was trained for (pardon the pun). Anyway, this time he did much better and worked hard to stay awake during his late shifts. But sure enough, eventually he slipped back in to old habits and this time killed five people - a family trying to free their dog stuck in the tracks.

Once again he faced a jury, once again they found him guilty and a judge sentenced him to the electric chair. This time he asked for 5 bananas, but the guard was wiley - he has read about this man and how he always had bananas before his sentence was carried out, and so this time (with a grin, it's said) he brought the train driver 5 apples instead. The guilty man plead and begged for bananas, but the guard claimed it was an honest mistake but too late to change now.

The man was lead for a third time to the electric chair. His head was wetted, his arms strapped in, and the guard eyed him with something between wonder and fear. Finally the room was vacated and the switch thrown. Surely this time the machine would do its job? With the process finished, the guard ran back into the room, only to find the man still alive and looking entirely healthy. "I do

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/homelesspancake
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Heard while driving a U-haul to a family friend's house who works with my mom and lives quite a ways away...

Me: So [family friend] drives this all the way to work? Dad: No, she drives a smaller car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slimtoad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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I saw a mail truck pulled over today on the way home.

He must of been really hauling the mail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dizzybuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was speeding while towing a load of donkeys.

Naturally I got pulled over. When the officer asked me "Do you know why I stopped you today?" I replied....

"Because I was hauling ass?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inarus06
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I just sold my car and this was my add

Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! I’m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you don’t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.

Just like me, it’s been around the birthday block a few times, but there’s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If you’re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what you’re thinking, β€œI bet this is a junker”, but you’d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body I’ve ever had my hands on.

What’s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because it’s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds it’s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. It’s what’s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I don’t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasn’t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, I’ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if you’re traveling with another couple, I’m sure they’ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.

The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesn’t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjBWren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I’m currently on a road trip with my girlfriend and saw a truck full of donkeys...

It was really hauling ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFamousMrRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Dadjokes at the bar

I was sitting at a moderately crowded bar last night enjoying dinner when an older couple came up and sat next to me. We exchanged hellos and I continued eating my jambalaya. After a bit, the husband finally knew what he wanted to drink.

Husband: "Do you have (so and so) beer?"

Bartender: "Hang on a sec, I'll check."

As the bartender walked away, the husband held both of his arms in the air, closing his hands into fists right above his head, a la Steve Holt. After about 30 seconds, and you could tell she really didn't want to, the wife asks what he's doing.

Wife: "Honey, why are your arms in the air?"

Husband: "I'm hanging on."

The wife rolls her eyes and I laugh inappropriately loudly. He grins.

So at this point, the joke has been made. It's over. But no! He's in it for the long haul. He kept his arms in the air for a solid 3 more minutes, just so the bartender could get in on the joke. She returns with his bottle of beer.

Husband: "Can I stop hanging on now?"

Bartender groans.

Wife: "Yes, please."

I admire his dedication. And his taste in beer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toews4pres
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
🚨︎ report
If a cop pulls over a U-Haul truck...

Did he bust a move?

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anynamethatworks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I just watched a cop pull over a U-Haul.

He was trying to bust a move.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?

He wanted to bust a move.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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Why did the policeman pull over the U-haul?

He wanted to bust a move.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redribbonrider
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A truck full of donkeys passed me on the highway

He was really hauling ass.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you move a moving truck?

U-Haul it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Ego
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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