The secret behind a dad joke is in the delivery
Is what the mailman keeps telling my son.
I think we made a mistake when we started calling childbirth “delivery”.
It should have been called takeout instead.
What do you call a really bad freight delivery service?
Why was the delivery driver forced to wear glasses?
Because everyone wanted contact-less delivery.
Had an unexpected delivery turn up at our house earlier, 2700 bananas.
Tonight, we eat like kongs.
The bathroom fixtures delivery man is here, honey!
During the delivery of my first child, my wife kept yelling out ‘can’t’, ‘won’t’, ‘shouldn’t’, ‘couldn’t’.
The mid wife told me not to worry, they were only contractions
An IKEA-delivery guy walks into a restaurant.
The waiter goes: That's not my table.
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer
My daughter's birth wasn't a delivery...
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.
They’re changing their name to Knockers.
I've recently become a delivery driver
yes, it has it's UPS and downs, but I still love it
After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, “now my package isn’t coming for another 5 days!”
I replied, now you know how I feel.
Did you hear that U.S. Mail is starting a freight delivery service to compete with FedEx and UPS?
Did you hear that the Indian restaurant hired a new delivery guy?
He’s a top-notch curry-er.
The delivery guy threw my pizza at me.
Apparently I ordered uber yeets
Pizza Hut employee: “Would you like a contactless delivery?
Yes, I’d prefer they wear glasses.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
I’m a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....”looks like you have the best job” he says, “why is that?” I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!
Santa got Coronavirus this year so Mrs Claus had to take over toy production, orders, and present deliveries.
How does Harry Potter makeout with the delivery lady?
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets off Amazon but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
Grocery delivery just dropped off this huge onion.
Picture of onion
I don't know what to do with it. I am going to cry.
That is so not appealing. I am left fuming. I may go into a vegetative state.
A whole new meaning to delivery...
Did you hear about Hooters’ new contactless delivery service?
For a while it was knockers, but now it’s just honkers
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
The delivery guy accidentally got us 3 extra bags of flour
What do you call a delivery driver who exclusively works with Indian restaurants?
What did the ninja delivery boy say to the office manager when he was delivering an unexpected order of pens, pencils, and paper goods?
Ever since the pandemic started, I’ve been wondering why my food delivery drivers have all been wearing glasses.
I had forgotten that contactless delivery was required.
Pregnancy puns, it's all about the delivery...
Regular Delivery!
My job is transporting envelopes and packages from place to place, but I'm not sure I want to make it a courier.
Birth control should be the actual name used for delivery
Did you know that Matthew McConaughey helped design the delivery route software for UPS?
There’s no left turns so it’s alright alright alright.
Our grocery delivery driver told us one of the milk cartons got damaged and leaked into the bag.
My 15yr old son picked up the first bag, which had a long vegetable sticking out and said "I've found the leek, dad."
Proud dad moment.
I just saw a AAA battery-delivery truck run a red light. Hope he doesn't get charged.
When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave, are they out for delivery?
Today I was wearing a shirt with the family crest of my favorite painter Frida Kahlo. After a few hours I started to get hungry and ordered takeout. When my delivery person arrived he handed over my food without taking any money for bringing it to me. I asked him “How come there’s no charge?”
He replied: I was going to charge you, but I noticed you had Frida Livery”
Buddy collided with a delivery truck - he got stabbed with the antenna.. Diagnosis?
The grocery delivery guy keeps wearing a mask and always stands 2 feet away from me...
I think I need to shower.
I’ll never be a comedian because I can’t do delivery
That’s also why I don’t work for UberEats
Why is childbirth referred to as 'delivery'?
I mean, it's clearly take-out
There's a new, fast weed delivery service, made especially for cooks...
I think it was a mistake to call childbirth “delivery”.
It should have been called takeout instead.
I think it’s weird that we call childbirth delivery.
It should have been called takeout instead.
I think it was a mistake to call childbirth “delivery”.
It should have been called “takeout” instead.
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