In really cold weather climates, it's always a good idea to have an extra set of gloves on hand
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xerafoo
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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When it comes to safety,

Face masks go hand in hand with gloves.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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I invented a new myth to delight my kids

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.

Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Teacher Told Us a Dad joke in Class Today

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid in part up front. The man opened up his wallet and displayed the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Wall-mart grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

Unknown to Artie, the entire proceeding were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.

And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared: "Artie chokes two for a dollar at Wall-mart."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisisCarl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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It Was Cold at the High School Football Game

My aunt told my dad she had hot pockets in her gloves to keep her hands warm. My dad wittily replied, "Ooh I love Hot Pockets! What flavor do you have, pepperoni or sausage??"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnCrunchDaPimp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2015
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Chik-Fil-A Cow Costume Joke

Talking about what the person in the Chik-Fil-A costume is to do if a child takes their glove off.

"Apparently the person in the costume is supposed to act like they don't have a hand and than go to their helper and say 'That child is bullying me!'".

At this point my father started historically laughing, and we asked him why.

"Get it? BULLying? Because its the cow?"

Groans were had.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sex_at_noon_taxes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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My father just posted this on Facebook.

MURDER AT COSTCO STORE

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.

The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this.........)

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 Costco

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffyxsama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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