My mom said "They're calling for high winds tomorrow"

I replied "do you think they'll effect us down here on the ground?"

She didn't get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catshit69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
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It's 'family field trip' day at a small Wisconsin school...

Some of the kids attending are:

Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"

The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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Dad joked my wife on Christmas Eve .

We were putting up Christmas lights outside our house and I noticed the power lead was laying across the ground in front of our front door. I told my wife we had better tape it down because it's a (dramatic pause for effect) ELF HAZARD! The groan was priceless !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mywifeh8sme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
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