I have commited several war crimes in uzbeckistan and am giving myself in for gassing hundreids of civillian houses
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dog-loaf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Gassing up
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmonoenano
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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I recently found out that noble gasses aren't much for comedy

I tried firing all my best jokes at them, but I just couldn't get a reaction...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_one_shark
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gasses here!" Argon doesn't react
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slumberingtitan
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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I like to make puns about the noble gasses...

But they rarely seem to get a reaction...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kawww
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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Gas from farts should be spelled...

Gass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyMo1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Scrooge awakens in the night to an apparition; he asks: β€œWho are you?” His dead gastroenterologist responds:

β€œI am the ghost of gasses passed.”

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Why did no one say anything when the Queen farted?

Because noble gasses don’t cause a reaction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DapperWizard416
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Why do people charge money for helium when it’s supposed to be free of charge?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pacos-ego
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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The only things that matter in this universe

Are solids, liquids, gasses, and plasma.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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Texting a friend as she was getting ready to head back from her trip.

Her: All ready gassed up and ready to leave. I'm ready to be home.

Me: Did you eat Mexican food?

Her: Lol Shut up! You know what I meant!

*note: This is a direct quote. Grammar is not one of her strong suits.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biglineman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2014
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Neon walks into a bar, the barman says "we don't serve noble gasses in here"

Neon doesn't react

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChazyLamy
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer...

The bartender says we don't serve noble gasses here. He didn't react

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyler1193
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2014
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