Which country has the most oil?

Greece

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shooked_bruv420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
🚨︎ report
I went on a date, and all she kept talking about for three hours was olive oil

I’m thinking extra virgin

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
🚨︎ report
Why is it so hard to impress oil connoisseurs?

They have refined tastes

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Villagecreep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
I tried my wife's essential oils for the first time today.

Worst french fries I've ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sttommyboy
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I spilled some oil

And now it’s spoiled .

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied β€œbaby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...

But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirTurkTurkelton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
My wife shouted, β€œYou’re shirtless and also covered in oil?” I chuckled, β€œWell, you’re always saying I never glisten.”

β€œListen! You never listen!”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If the price of oil futures goes any deeper, it will hit oil.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaredLiwet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call them a shipping magnate. If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. What do you call someone who makes their fortune...

...selling fridges?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Martin finds an old oil lamp

Genie: "You get three wishes. I can't kill anybody, I can't make anybody fall in love, I can't bring anybody back from the dead, and you can't wish for more wishes."

Alladin: "I wish that I was rich!"

Genie: "Done."

Rich: "... I wish that I have a lot of money."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluid-Visual
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Peanut oil is made from peanuts. Olive oil is from olives..

I'm not ever buying any more baby oil.

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
What did the oil say when it crashed it's price into negative value?

Oil be back!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/woyteck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
I left it late to get a gift for my mum for Mother’s Day. Ended up at a petrol station. I bought her some Lorry Oil...

β€˜Cos she’s worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
If oils squeezed out from flowers and herbs are essential,

and we squeeze a few out during the quarantine, why isn't porn is an essential service?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lmao-Ze-Dong
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
If you’re thinking about doing something illegal oil yourself up first.

That way you’re a smooth criminal.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
What kind of oil does Popeyes Chicken use?

Olive Oil

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hogfish79
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
What did the oil lamp say to the flickering candle?

Do you want to go out sometime soon?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/queen-fireheart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
A jar of peanut butter needed an oil change

It went to JIFfy Lube

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Q. What's the most important thing you can do with crude oil?

A. Teach it proper manners!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Brought it in for an oil change, says he only drives it from time to time.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Accomplished_Owl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œOil on Canvas.”—- Anonymous Artist, circa 21st century.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a ducks favorite motor oil?

Quacker state.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LambyRides
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œOil on canvas”——Anonymous Artist, circa 21st century.
πŸ‘︎ 215
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Olive oil

My uncle Arnie asked me if I knew where extra virgin olive oil came from. I said no and he said very ugly trees.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TY2VETS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone shipped me a box of essential oils

And now I have a case of the vapors

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How does virgin olive oil become extra virgin olive oil?

After getting dating advice from a Redditor.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Oil bet this would be great to drive out and go star gazing with
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kioshi43
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Oil on canvas. Hehe (best part? It was painted with acrylic!)
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_demonfluffy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Is that vegetable oil?

"No I melted some butter"

"Thanks for clarifying"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard "Starry Night" was painted with oils

I could use it to make my Van Go

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KenzoEngineer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Working at sams club i would collect boxes as they would empty. A customer came up to me and said "can i have a few of those flat boxes? I use them when i change my car oil so it doesnt stain my floor."

So I say "of course, that's a great idea. That's really thinking outside the box."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Djyocon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
So I work in the oil and gas industry and I just lost my job because of all these wind farms

Needless to say, I’m not a big fan.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XxStupidBusxX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Olive oil and I have one thing in common

We are both extra virgin

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CAP815
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the oil so well educated?

He had a lot of degrease

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Largedump
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Archaeologists have discovered an oil stain that might be more than a thousand years old.

It is Ancient Grease.

πŸ‘︎ 218
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My theory as to why USA and Cuba had their dispute was because of oil. Evidence you say. I just found Fidels Castrol
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roso_124588
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call people who change oil at the end of a race?

End game oilers

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MechStar101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How much oil was spilled?
πŸ‘︎ 665
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-gem-524
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you guys watch the news? Someone poured oil all over a major Jordanian city and heated it up.

It was Petra frying

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chadnav
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my wife wants me to cover myself in oil.

I vaguely overheard her going on and on about how I never glisten.

πŸ‘︎ 303
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My son started taking thc oil....

He says it’s real dope!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobracaillou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Traditionally, there are no blues used in oil paintings

That's a water color.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jas280z
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a rude oil?

Crude

Didn't c that coming Huh?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ASHTHEKING5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Palm oil is quite a handy thing to have around the house
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a5dfa5h
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd tell you the one about the lady who slipped in the oil...

...but it's crude humor.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YarnSpinner
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How does olive oil lose its virginity?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eXieBoiiTV
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
There was some baby massage oil in the supermarket.

Impressive, I thought. I'm 25 and I don't know how to do a massage.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the bald man put fish oil on his head?

Because he thought it would make his herring grease.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arbaminim
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife said to me, β€œYou’re shirtless and also covered in…oil?”

I said, β€œWell, you’re always saying I never glisten.”

My wife said, β€œListen! You never listen!”

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
🚨︎ report
What spell would a geologist in the world of Harry Potter use to find oil?

Expecto Petroleum

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewbaccaNZ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
🚨︎ report
For my Bbq I decided to expirement by marinate all the meat in THC oil

The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What emotion does a major oil crisis provoke?

Saudness

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarioPol
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a PokΓ©mon that needs oil?

Squeakachu

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dogsandtrees
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the orange use suntan oil?

It was starting to peel.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RileighR
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
An oil company got in trouble for a minor offense...

It was a fraction of a fracking infraction.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArmyOfMemes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Shoutout to the "boobs" I saw after getting my oil changed
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sirxch_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call the oil that's not edible anymore?

Spoil.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_pundey_69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
"Is there any kind of oil that evaporates?"

"A boil."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unuoctium
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad, what does it mean if olive oil is "extra virgin"?

"It means it must be in your friend group."

Damn dad. Cold.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoubleUnderscore
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
When it comes to good quality olive oil, I feel sorry for green olives...

They must be under a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tirbert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2016
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend said, "Do you know how extra virgin olive oil is made?"

"How?"

"It's made from really ugly olives."

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuaereVerumm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2014
🚨︎ report
A bit of oil was floating in a puddle creating a swirly rainbow effect

It's pretty slick

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My phone used to only turn on if it was being deep-fried in seawater and oil.

It was charged with a salt and battering.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I threw a bottle of Omega 3 cod liver oil pills at my son earlier...

His injuries are nothing more than super fish oil

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peter_j_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call the marriage of a thin potato to a vat of hot oil?

A relationCHIP.

GET IT?!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Socrathustra
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2017
🚨︎ report
"We can't just let people dump oil on the sides of hills willy nilly!"

Beginning of a Slippery Slope argument.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drawsprocket
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
🚨︎ report
I'd tell you about the fat kid who slipped in oil...

...but it's crude humor.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YarnSpinner
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2013
🚨︎ report
Why is synthetic oil such a great product?

Because it's so we'll refined!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gnsnprwldwsl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I went to the health food store and asked for lavender oil. They said they didn't have it.

I said "But it's essential."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/werdnadrew
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I watched a documentary on oil pollution today...

It was pretty slick.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pquads_4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife said "Go get me olive oil."

I said "I'm not gonna go fight Popeye for her, you go get her."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Samusftw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
🚨︎ report
(My dad looking at some oil today)

Why is it virgin? I haven't seen a pregnant one yet. (I love my dad)

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverstormXD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Oil falls below $50 a barrel

Dad: We should sell the house and just store oil somewhere..... Then again that'd be a rather crude way to live!

He then began chuckling to himself for 5 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AstroHaze
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Is cooking popcorn in corn oil Kosher?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PausethePuppy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
If there's an oil spill in the ocean, they'll need an all porpoise cleaner

The whole area will need to be sealed off

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
🚨︎ report
I ran into a dog wearing a vest that said "SERVICE ANIMAL" so I did my bit and gave him an oil change.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scarymoose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Friend dropped this one while talking about the movement of oil in the car when you start it compared to when the engine is hot...

Friend: Yes, it's a viscous cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WrightlySo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
🚨︎ report
In risky situations: Looks like we're cooking beef in hash oil...

Because the steaks are high!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmokeyDojo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
🚨︎ report
Tomorrow I have to take my Q40 into the dealership for an oil change, then pick up new bed sheets and some towels.

To Infiniti, and Bed Bath & Beyond!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OPs_Mom_and_Dad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad told me how olive oil used to be made.

Me: I wonder how they pressed olive in ancient times.

Dad: They probably used Oliphaunts.

I laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SomeWittyRemark
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
🚨︎ report
If someone makes their fortune in ships, we call him a shipping magnate. If someone makes their fortune in oil, we call them an oil magnate. What do you call someone who makes his fortune selling fridges?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DankingtonAbbey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.