What does a Mandalorian say when they see they've gained a few pounds?

This is the Weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StephenHunterUK
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Doctor I think I’ve gained the ability to see into the future

It all started next Tuesday

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucarboi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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What did the starfish sing when they gained independence?

Sea stars are doin' it for themselves

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gubaxter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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What did Slovakia say when they gained independence?

Czechia later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MosesActual
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I've gained almost 20 pounds since the quarantine...

I call it my Covid- 19

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyWood86
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I finished my first year of university, but I gained 34 lbs...

First it was the Freshman-15, then the Covid-19.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1stdayof
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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I’ve gained axis to the texts!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mehaxe
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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My cat gained so much weight that I had to put her down

My arms got tired but I'll pick her up again later

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JennaTalia22
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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If you’ve gained weight and nobody wants to mention it, you are the elephant in the room reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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I gained half a pound. imgur.com/PgzGrMi
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
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My toilet stopped working when it gained a little confidence.

It didn’t take shit from anyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TDowhan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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people laugh my girlfriend because she gained weight

so I told her to lighten up. Ever since that day, she proposed a breakup, and I don't know why.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hokitonline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
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My partner is telling me that I'm gaining a lot of weight from eating a lot of Indian food

But I think it's a naan issue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brichouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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What's a doctor hope to gain from a urine test?

Whizdom

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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A good title for a conservative news article a couple days ago when Trump declared β€œStop the count!” after Biden started making gains but Trump still could’ve shocked the world would’ve been...

β€œTrump’s Not Down For the Count”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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The legalize cannabis party had a fair few stoners voting for it this past election, but not enough to gain power

That’s a lot of wasted votes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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How do you gain the trust of a squirrel?

You gotta act like a nut

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tin12345678
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Glass coffins - will they gain popularity?

Remains to be seen!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.

Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catillionaire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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What do you call a rugby player who took doping to gain an edge against his opponents?

A drugby player

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NicolasReadsStuff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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In life you gain some, you lose some. Can't have it all.

Like, you gain inheritance, you lose your dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barujje_moshai
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I stole this one
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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What puns can I tell when I want to tell my friends I got a boyfriend?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reginanine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Gain The Rock Johnson
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DunkieMcBuckets
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Did you hear about the lawyer who learned on the job?

He gained all his knowledge through trials and error.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoudMouse327
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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When people comment on my gaining weight, I like to call my Dad body.

My father figure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I gain too much weight around the holidays

I need to stop eating cold turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/musingsofmadness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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How does a clock get fat?

It gains weight OVER TIME

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcaughman0225
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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The man and the silver screw.

There once was this fella was born with a silver screw in his belly button. His parents, and later himself, searched far and wide trying to find someone that knew how this happened and how to remove it. As he grew older he cared less and less about the "how" and more about the removal. One day in his never-ending search he encountered a wizened woman who said that she knew of a place where you could go and a mysterious force would be able to remove the screw. But, before she provided the location she asked him if this was REALLY something he wanted done and if he knew all the consequences of his desire. The man hastily said that he was 10000% sure and more than well informed of the consequences. So, she gave him the location of the cave and the instructions on how to gain the help of the mysterious force. He was to go to the cave and sleep nude in the cave over night and by the morning his request would be fulfilled. He made his way to the spot with all due haste and followed the instructions to the letter. He did this and fell into a sound sleep. During the night a heavy fog rolled into the cave and a shining silver screwdriver floated into the cave with it. It floated down to the man and gently removed the screw. When the man woke up in the morning and saw the screw on the ground beside him he quickly reached down and felt his belly button. The screw was gone! He sprung up with great joy but the minute he landed after his leap of joy his butt fell off. He froze in horror and started to scream "Why did my butt fall off?" over and over.

The moral of the story is "Don't mess with things you don't understand or you will lose your butt."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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if you wrote an essay about why capitalism was bad

would you gain or lose marks for not using capital letters...?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PedroHicko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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What happened to the men who smashed all the windows in their office building..

They're now facing a glass action lawsuit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AEvans1888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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People who abuse steroids have ill-gotten gains
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Max_Is_Homo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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My friend Wat never gains weight on vacation

Wat goes a round, comes a round

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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I thought getting a bank account would be boring

but I've slowly gained interest

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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What do you call a wolf that has things figured out

Aware wolf

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cowardflame
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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My wife just finished her 40 week body building program.

She lost 8 pounds and 1 oz, and gained a new family member!

I'm officially a father and step father! Woohoo!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InsaneVanity
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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What section of the police is obsessed with gaining proof of age?

C.I.D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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You know gaining weight actually makes anything more attractive

Gravitationally attractive that is

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueRac
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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Ancient farmers lived by one rule

No rain, no gain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I didn't mean to gain so much weight.

It happened by snaccident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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I made a new theory on inertia;

It's a shame it's not gaining any momentum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRaptorMovies
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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I'm told pasta makes you gain weight

But I'm in for a penne so I'm in for a pound

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhedkiex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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A side effect of gaining weight is often...

a waning gait.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flexremmington
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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What do you call a brother and sister who marry eachother for financial gain.

An incestment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mentalman92
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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