Funny Store Puns

Boy, was my face red!

"Smells like a waste of time"

So she can get her dad's yolks.

http://imgur.com/a/buLLc

In a dad-a--base

If you buy two packs, they'll throw in a pack of dead ones, free of charge.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

I went to a grocery store down the street for the sole purpose of getting a big bag of Chex mix. The cashier rang me up and said,

“You want a bag for that Chex mix?”

I replied, “that’s okay. It’s already in a bag”

He either didn’t get it or didn’t think it was funny but I was very pleased with myself.

And I saw a man doing something sort of funny. He was standing next to two big piles of aluminum cans. He seemed to have all kinds, Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, store brand, it didnt matter. One pile was intact cans, and the other was crushed.

I was curious, so I asked him what it was all about. He told me he was out of work, and to make ends meet, he recycled cans. The folks in the neighborhood knew him, and brought their empties by. He refused beer cans, it was too hard on him as a recovering alcoholic. He was out there 12 hours a day, seven days a week. Collecting cans and crushing them. Recycling them at 50 cents per pound. He told me he preferred it to begging because it was honest work.

As I walked away, I genuinely felt bad for the guy. His whole life was soda pressing.

Edit: cleaned up some autocorrect errors

While walking to the store with my son, he was bragging about his popularity and telling me how everyone thinks he's funny. I sad "Wow! Have they started calling you 'shrooms' yet?" Long pause. "Why would they call me that?" he asked. I said "because you sound like a real fun gai!".

"So there is pontiac. Porsche. Packard.. You know what a Packard is, dont ya? Or is that a little before your time? How old are you? So you know what it is then, right?" So he sets up the joke incorrectly by not giving me a chance to name any. But to him, this joke is SO funny, there is no way to make it unfunny. ".. well none of them because they all start with gas." Then he turns and acts like he is about to walk out of the store, like he dropped the proverbial mic. So I feign a half smile & say "yep. Gas. Thats a good one."

As we order our ice cream, my parents, girlfriend and I.

Gf to dad: French vanilla huh? Fancy

Dad: Oui. Groans heard around the store

Dad: Ha! I'm funny

Mom: yeah, funny lookin'

SO i work in a store and basically:

A new girl had started and was scanning through this couples items. Last on the list was a £5 jar of Nescafe Gold. As she scanned it through the man went to grab it and it fell and broke. I instantly turned round to her, looked her dead in the eye and said "Now thats what I call... Ground Coffee"

My boss started laughing as did everyone at my Till and she was laughing shouting "Its not funny".

I do this every time she drops a jar of coffee.

Wife called me while i was driving home from work and asked me to stop at Kroger and get potatoes, as she forgot them for dinner. Also told me I might as well get beer (yay).

So i walk in the grocery store and check out the beer situation. Nothing on sale, eh. So i decide to buy the potatoes and walk to the liquor store next door as they stores share a parking lot and I'm not driving 200 feet.

I go to the liquor store, grab my juice and head to the counter. "Anything else?" The clerk says. Raising the beer and potatoes I respond, "I'll take the beer but i don't think this vodka is ready yet!"

He didn't find it funny but I was thinking of you guys the whole time!!!

I was standing in line at the store to get something returned, this was right after christmas so there was a lot of people waiting. Above me was a security camera and a TV that showed the image.

There was a dad and two kids waiting behind me, one of the kids is looking at the TV

Dad "What you looking at?"

Son "I am trying to find myself..."

Dad "You know alot of people are"

Sorry if this was a bit dumb, thought it was kinda funny!

In my hometown liquor store there is a big sign on the door "take your hoods off" meaning the take the hood on your jacket off of your head so they can see your face. My jacket I was wearing has a removable hood, so I unzipped my hood and carried it with me. My wife didn't find it anywhere as funny as I did.

Sister: "Hey Dad, can I please have a horse for my birthday?"

Dad: "Sorry honey, don't have anywhere to put it."

Sister: Starts Crying "This is unfair, I never get what I want."

Dad: "C'mon now sweetheart, why the long-face?"

Sister: "STOP DAD! THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!"

Dad: "Ok..ok..we'll get one. I'll go see if we can store it at the Neiigghhghbors house"

Dad proceeds to burst out laughing

I used to work at a record store in my younger years (read: my 20's). Im working with my friend Tony and the store is dead. A guy walks in and approaches the counter where we are both standing. After the usual greeting, the guy asks "Where do y'all keep the Little Feat". Without missing a beat, I say "in little shoes." I break out laughing, while Tony says "it's right over here in pop. I'll show you". I continued to laugh for about 20 minutes.

Also, no one ever finds this funny. It still makes me chuckle.

We were in line at a store, and she got some change back. She dropped it, and I picked it up and kept it and we walked away.

A bit later I said "I guess I am keeping your change?"

And then I said "...unless you want your nickleback!"

Didn't get a groan but I can tell she didn't think it was funny.

So I happen to be grocery shopping along with my dad in a Target store. Not much to pick up but two of the items we needed were thyme and milk. They happen to be within a few feet of each other in the same cooled location. We both see the thyme first, but I am the one who happens to grab it. I reach for the first one in a long line of cases of thyme and something must have happened where it was too tightly loaded in the spring rack so that when I grabbed the one, the spring shot and about five more flung out, some landing on the floor, some breaking open on the shelves. I see the mess made and, admittedly selfishly, said "Not my problem" and walked over the get the milk (2% organic for context). I grab the milk and walk back over to see my dad picking up the mess. I walk closer. I look at him, he looks at me and he ignites the funny bomb that was rummaging through his brain for the last 20 second waiting for me to arrive:

"Well, now you know how thyme flies."

So I was sitting on a couch and my dad was about to leave to store.

.

Me: Dad, can you buy me a sketchbook?

Dad: What kind of sketchbook?

Me: I would prefer an empty one.

.

I didn't think it was very funny but he laughed outloud. He doesn't do that often.

Two older gentlemen in my line at the grocery store were buying some food. One of them didn't have enough, and he told his friend he was a little short. His friend replied, "That's funny, you look pretty tall to me!" before cracking up and handing him a five. He didn't stop chuckling till he left the store.

Today my dad and I went to a tech store, where we bought a TV. The checkout assistant gave us a receipt we had to deliver to the tech store's warehouse on the other side of the road. My dad and I walked into the warehouse and went to stand in the line. A couple of minutes later, it was our turn to get service. We gave them the receipt, and then they came out with the TV. My dad then started saying: "This is our lucky day. I can't believe how clumsy people can be. Dropping a receipt to such an expensive TV to the floor." The people in the queue gave us some weird looks. When we came out of the store my dad started laughing. I got to admit, though. I thought it was pretty funny as well.

Some times dadjokes can be funny...