What happens to Werewolf's house when its the full moon?

It becomes a warehouse.

Credit to Haldzur, the newest dad in our party.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Eagle_Vision_13
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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My wife is on a tropical fruit diet, the house is full of stuff

It is enough to make a mango crazy

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lolyfe-dc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Full House
๐Ÿ‘︎ 60
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yagami_raito23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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Full house
๐Ÿ‘︎ 32
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/blazinfastjohny
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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My pastor friend refused to participate in a Full House themed lesbian wedding.

He didnโ€™t want to marry Kate and Ashley.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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I suppose a flush can beat a full house if...

...one is a plumber.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JadedByEntropy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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What do you call a person who turns into a house every full moon?

A warehouse!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zebogo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Hey Dad, did you see the news that Netflix is making a Full House remake?

Of course I have. It's everywhere you look.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 139
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fatherramon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
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Never break into a house during a full moon...

It might turn into a werehouse

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mister-Pineapple
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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I went to a friends house party and stumbled onto a cabinet full of jelly....

I guess you could say the party was jam-packed.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jokoboko
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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"I'm full" never worked in my house...

Me: Dad I'm full

Dad: Want some ice cream?!

Me: YEA!

Dad: You're not full then. Eat your dinner.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/khaelbee
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 02 2013
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When I was a single man, I had tons of free time.

Now that I started listening to full albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 74
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12 2021
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A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...

...right in front of a house where thereโ€™s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. Thereโ€™s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldnโ€™t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesnโ€™t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy heโ€™s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, โ€œThank you.โ€

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

โ€œThank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 993
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/silashoulder
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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I wanted to get a poker game together for my birthday,

But with COVID I donโ€™t think itโ€™s in the cards.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ottos_jacket
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Why shouldnโ€™t you play poker with a plumber?

A good flush will beat a full house every time.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rhox1989
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevorโ€™s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevorsโ€™s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevorโ€™s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasnโ€™t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

โ€œWellโ€ said Jeff, โ€œAs Iโ€™m sure you know the convention comes to town laterโ€.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

โ€œYes of courseโ€ replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ShredderSte
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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You gotta be careful around warehouses.

Because during a full moon, they turn into a house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NightSkye0174
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Pun Request!!!

Hey all! I'm writing a play for my third grade class all about healthy habits and it's full of TV parodies. One show is Game of Thrones. For example, one character is Jon Snowpea. Can you guys help me come up with some food or exercise puns for the full title of Danaerys: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name,ย The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms,ย Breaker of Chainsย andย Mother of Dragonsโ€. Thanks!!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AllieBallie22
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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Whatโ€™s the one thing professional poker players and plumbers can agree on?

A royal flush is better than a full house

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WarningOutOfMind
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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Draculaโ€™s competition

Dracula wanted to know which of his bats was the best. So he organized a little competition. The bat which would drink more blood in less time than others would be the winner. The first bat went and came back after 10 minutes. Its mouth was full of blood. Dracula was impressed. He asked, "Nice, how did you do it?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went inside and drank the blood of all the family." Dracula said, "Very good". The second bat went and came back after 5 minutes. He too had blood on all his face. Dracula was shocked, "How did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a hotel. I went inside and drank the blood of all the guests." Dracula said, "Fantastic". Now the third bat went and came back just after 1 minute. There was blood on all his body. Dracula couldnโ€™tbelieve his eyes, "How did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower?" Dracula said, "Yes". And the bat said, "I didnโ€™t see it".

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cool-kid103
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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I once played poker with a deck of tarot cards.

I got a full house and 3 people died.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 75
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RichNCrispy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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I don't get all the excitement surrounding Nintendo's new product announcement...

My house is full of light switches!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/quakesand
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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I wanted to buy my wife and I Tickets to Bob Sagetโ€™s stand up show but it was sold out.

Looks like it is going to be a Full House

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nickfoot9
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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Dad joke #1 for me! My dad is learning... Oh lord.

My dad called me out of my room, asked me what I was doing and I told him I was revising (insert quote marks around that for yourself if you'd like). He asks me to look in the car and there's a whole crate full of packets of salt that are all leaking. That sounds weird, and to be honest it is, but my dad works at a supermarket and gets to take home faulty merchandise so I though nothing of it. He asks me to move it all into the garage, so I do so.

Then he tells me: "Actually, put it in the shed". Now I'm confused since we don't have a shed, and so I asked him what he meant. He tells me, "The one in the old house". We own two houses - our first one, and our new one, so I thought alright that's enough; the house is a half-hour walk and I honestly cannot be bothered for him asking me to walk that half an hour whilst I could be revising so I get a bit mad and just tell him straight.

He gives me a little smile and just says "Don't get salty and start shedding tears, I'll do it then". He gives me a little smile and just walks off. I'm honestly so glad I'm moving away for uni next year.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ChardRardZard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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What's the difference between O. J. Simpson and poker?

One has a full house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Litt3n_Kitt3n
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 40
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Whereโ€™s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history โ€“ with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it werenโ€™t for C, weโ€™d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who donโ€™t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks โ€œmay I join you?โ€


Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraftโ€ฆ and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Itโ€™s a hardware problem.


I named my hard drive โ€œdat assโ€ so once a month my computer asks if I want to โ€˜back dat ass upโ€™.


I think my neighbor is stalking me as sheโ€™s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I changed my password to โ€œincorrectโ€. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say โ€œYour password is incorrectโ€.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


Itโ€™s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.


Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didnโ€™t know who he was.


I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didnโ€™t have internet.


A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dadโ€™s version of โ€œThe Night Before Christmasโ€

A Christmas Poem
by Dad (1952โ€“2009)

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack,
Not a creature was stirring, we was all in the sack;

Our mugs were placed on the mantle with cheer,
In hope that Saint Nick would bring us a beer;

And me I was tucked up all snug in my bed,
But strains of sweet music still danced through my head;

So I sprang from my bed with a crash and a clatter,
And off down the hall with bare feet did I patter;

There on the chair sat my musical pipe,
So I sat down to play without fanfare or hype;

Come Mozart, come Hayden, Stravinski and Strauss,
And write me some music to bring down the house;

When down from the chimney appeared with a crash,
A strange little man in the smoke and the ash;

He wiggled and jumped and got up like a shot,
Came over and said, "Man those cinders are hot!";

His stomach it shook like a bowl full of jelly,
For a moment I thought it was dear old aunt Nelly;

His nose like a cherry, his ears like two jugs,
I was worried that this guy just might be on drugs;

His language was foul, his jokes they were crass,
So I opened the door and threw him out on his ass;

But then as I turned, boy was I ever surprised;
I saw what he'd bought me, or so I surmised;

For there in the corner right under the tree,
Was some brand new sheet music and a case of O.V.;

I turned to say thank-you but found he had gone,
He was not in the garden and not on the lawn;

And just when I thought that he couldn't get far,
I realized the old goat had stolen the car;

Off in the distance he said with a wheeze,
"I hated to do it but you left me the keys!";

I smiled and laughed for this much I could savour,
For I'd just sold the car to my idiot neighbour;

And once more he called as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and don't drive when you're tight!"

Thank you for everything, Dad. We love and miss you.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CannonBall7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Laughed for the entire duration of the shit.

It's a family tradition to make homemade chili when it gets cold out. My girlfriend and I went through a full size crocpot of it in one afternoon. The next day I stepped outside for a smoke and suddenly, it hit me like my ass had just struck oil. I ran inside, scrambling towards the back of the house, but she thought I was running in from the cold and asked, "Chilly out, babe?" To which I replied "All of it!!!!"

edit:grammar

๐Ÿ‘︎ 57
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DibsHTX
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dadjokes in the bathroom

When I walk into a bathroom and all the stalls are occupied, I make sure to say out loud "Full house beats a flush!"

If I'm lucky I can get a muted chuckle from one of the stalls.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/avelertimetr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I complimented all of my kids today for being so optimistic....

...because every darn glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
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My girlfriend started an all fruit diet yesterday, the house is FULL of the stuff.

Itsย enoughย toย makeย aย mangoย crazy!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/runew0lf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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My lesbian friends wanted a Full House themed wedding, but the priest refused.

He didnโ€™t want to marry Kate and Ashley.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife is on a tropical food diet and now the house is full of this stuff.

That's enough to make a mango crazy.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/joe_dsr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When I was a single man, I had plenty of free time.

Now that I listen to full albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 39
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 77
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What's the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke?

Children.

My son came up with this one when he was 7 years old...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThePouncer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
getting my hair cut in the barbers

and he asks me if I wanted it cut around the back

I replied no its fine to do it here

๐Ÿ‘︎ 64
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/akjohnston87
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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When I was a single man, I had a lot of free time.

Now that I listen to full albums, I hardly leave the house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 61
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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When I was a single man, I had loads of free time.

Now that I listen to full albums, I rarely leave the house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife has started the tropical fruit diet!

Our house is full of the stuff! Itโ€™s enough to make a mango crazy!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RageMonster17
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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When I was a single man, I had a lot of free time.

Now that I listen to full albums, I hardly leave the house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 44
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You have to be carefull of warehouses.

At full moon they turn into houses.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/spamblock
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the plumber say when he won at poker?

It's better to have a flush than a full house.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fine-rusty-knife
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 23 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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