He was A-frayed
and he showed me an old photograph of a family friend.
Me: "You weren't kidding about him being in the picture for a long time."
Him:"Yep, ever since they took it."
He clawed the reins.
(If you didn't get this, Congratulations! you're not that old!)
He was very per-tick-ular about it
We were all sitting there watching an Animal Planet special on bird migration (not by choice, the remote died), and after a few minutes apparent contemplation dad let this one loose on us.
"Did you hear about the ornithologist whose expedition was cancelled due to a severe snow storm?
I guess you could say things took an arctic tern for the worst!"
I think I may be booking a seat on the soonest ice floe out of this burg just to get away.
Oh no, he's got me doing it! It's spreading - run, save yourselves!
My girlfriend and I were watching Cabin in the Woods tonight. Chris Hemsworth's character starts riding a dirt bike to jump across a chasm, when her dad chimes in. "If he crashes, he's going to be pretty Thor".
The cabin replied, "I only play house music." The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan." The backhoe said, "I just dig rock." The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"
"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"
"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."
Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."
"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...
Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.
"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.
Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T... keep reading on reddit ➡
Cabin crew says he was air-born.
She wears an algaebra.
He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.
We're unpacking our bags on our cruise ship. I complain that all my clothes are wrinkled and there's no ironing board in the cabin. She replies:
"Don't worry. Everyone here's in the same boat."
She was already starting to laugh before she stopped talking.
There was a captain that was roused from his cabin by a commotion on his ship.
He ran out and yelled “Whats going on?!"
His first mate replied “We Have Octopuses on the poop deck, captain!”
The Captain looked around as a few squid scurried around the deck and said “Inform the passengers that our arrival to shore will be delayed due to... tentacle difficulties."
Was at my friends cabin helping him ready the boat to go out on the lake. Friend: "Looks like we're in good shape" Me: "Yeah, ship shape"
He was not amused.
He kept his log in his cabin.
He kept a log in his cabin
I was building a shed at her cabin over the weekend and she came out to hold a ladder while a got on the roof. As I was climbing a bee flew in front of my face and I cringed. Another one of its bee buddies flew next to my hand and I yelled "ah! Two bees!" in a totally manly voice and hopped off the ladder.
My mom picked up a wood scrap near her and quickly smushed one of the bees on the shed. She then turned to me and said, "...or not two bees?"
Sitting around a fire pit at a cabin we were staying at last weekend with my wife and some other family.
My wife leans over and wipes a piece of ash off of my jacket, to which I reply:
"You love to tap that ash, don't you?"
Sitting around the fire tonight at our cabin and my dad put his hood up.
Mom: what are you cold?
Dad: nope, I'm in the hood.
This was during Thanksgiving but I just remembered it the other day in the car. For Thanksgiving our family and in-laws all got a cabin in east TN. This cabin had a room with a pool table and in that room it had a door to the outside. Well my 12 year old nephew and I would go to play pool a lot and once time while we were down there I took my shoes off and they smelled terrible! So I decided to put them outside using the aforementioned door. Then the best set up of my life happened: My nephew said "Don't put them outside, the bears will eat them!"
Me: "No they wont, they might take them but they won't eat them"
Nephew: "why not?"
Me: "Because they have have bear feet"
My nephew just stared at me, and I sat there looking like suspense eel waiting for him to get it.. and he said "uncle fr0zen_yettiiii that was lame"
Just a few weeks ago I was on a camping trip with my friends and we were staying in a friends cabin out on their private property. During the day when there wasn't much to do it was fun to get on a few ATV's we had and drive around. Through no fault of my own, I incidentally couldn't make a turn and crashed through a barb wire fence and sliced open my Neck, during the time I was being prepared for a helicopter ride to a Hospital rather far away I poked up from the stretcher while my friends watched and stated: "With all this Adrenaline and this IV, I guess you could say I'm feeling pretty 'wired'. " It was the proudest moment of my trip.
Relaxing outside yesterday with nephew, 2 uncles, and father-in-law. Uncle #1 to nephew: You're off to camp next week, aren't you? Nephew: Yep. Uncle #2: I heard that camp is intense! Father-in-law: In tents!? You'd think they could put you in a cabin or something...
I was on a boat with some other people and I said, "I hope people are standing in the cabin (which was below me) because I like to be understood."
I kid you not, I woke up with a grin on my face.
So I was sleeping on a air mattress on a hand made bed made out of wood. (Camping with hunting buddies) When I woke the air mattress has deflated. Dad: Good morning how did you sleep? Me: I feel like I slept on wood all night. Dad: I did to then I rolled over. Every one in the cabin moans except for one chuckle
The dad jumped up from his seat when we landed and proceeded to grab our luggage from the cabin. He turned to his family (they were seated behind him) and told 'm: 'wow, you guys arrived already?'
The plane went silent except for bellowing laughter from the dad in question and me.