When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins.
You just have to listen varicosely.
I just found out that Einstein was a real person...
I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.
Went to the zoo this morning and found a baguette in a cage.
Pretty sure it was bread in captivity.
A man has been found guilty of using too many commas.
The judge told him to expect a long sentence.
Found at my local Trader Joe’s.... I mean come on... you laughed... Right?!
I just found out the country of Canada is a complete work of fiction.
Found this little ✨g e m✨ on r/technicallythetruth
Just found out my uncle is addicted to viagra
My aunt has been taking it hard
I just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room.
I just had no idea she was a superhero.
I just found out that “Lincoln” made about $300 million in movie theatres.
Which is weird. Lincoln usually doesn’t do too well in theatres.
Waitress asked me how I found my steak.
I told her it wasn't difficult. They were right next to my potatoes
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.
My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...
She got mad and said she's never playing scrabble with me again
I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
I finally found my sea joke book!
I thought I lobster, and never flounder.
Was just scrolling when I found..
Which dinosaur survived extinction and is now found in farmer's fields?
A local Ice-cream vendor was found dead in his van surrounded by sprinkles...
Police said he'd topped himself
In Yosemite, I once found a chunk of metal that was more dense in the center of it.
I lost the clicker to my television, but I found it...
It was in some remote area
I've just found out my grandad is addicted to Viagra.
Nobody is taking it harder than my grandma.
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
He’ll do anything for a buck.
I just found out that....
"Knock, Knock" jokes don't go down as well at funerals.
When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
I once dated two girls called Edith and Kate. Kate found out and told Edith that I was dating both of them at the same time. They both broke up with me on the very same day!
Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too
What happened to the drug dealer's bones when the police found him?
When the American president found out that he was sexually attracted to both men and women, what did he say?
I just found out that Aaargghhh is not a real word.
I can’t tell you how angry I am at this.
I just found out one of my family members is addicted to Viagra
It’s been pretty hard times.
I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced “‘twas the knife before Christmas!”
I was raking and found a hornet's nest
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.
I tick all the right boxes.
What do you call an otolaryngologist that is found guilty of malpractice?
I was really scared when I got lost climbing some mountains recently, but I found a map, a topographical map...
My pet ted just found out he's not my biological son. So I had to tell him..
I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head
my wife and I found out that our boy was convicted of burning down houses
no matter what he's still arson
Just found out that my rod and reel is radioactive
I found it easier to follow my new year's resolution after I misspelled it.
I am now on a no-crab diet
I found a hairpiece at the dollar store today!
It was a small price toupee.
Found this on r/cursedcomments - the post (by u/Atom596 ) was removed for some reason so I couldn't crosspost but wanted to give the op credit
I found out today that I like it when experienced men touch me
And then I paid the chiropractor
I went to the zoo today and found a baguette in a cage...
I'm pretty sure it was bread in captivity
Just found out my uncle is addicted to viagra.
My aunt has been taking it hard....
Just found out that 'Aaarrrgggghhh' isn't a real word.
I can't tell you how angry I am.
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