Flouring Puns

I told her she would roux the day.

It was a piece of cake.

When a guy walks up next to me and grabs some yeast.

So I said, "A man of culture, I see!"

My teacher said, I'm the perfect roll model.

They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux

They were not kneaded.

Initiative

Self raising flour

I told her there wasn’t any, in these times bakers can’t be choosers.

I prefer Whole Gawain.

I thought it could be bred!

Self-raising flour.

They will roux the day that they anger me.

He said that's a latke ask for!

Because he kneaded flour before the buyers arrived.

(Thanks, I will go now)

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

I was wrong in thinking he was clean and no longer would knead it.

"What's the difference? Does it have a licence to mill?" It's an awful joke, but live and let rye.

Flours

How dairy

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Bready or not, here I dough.

But this year I made one mill.

I'll have to sift through my mind to find it.

...and not all porpoise!

I get pie with a little spelt from my friends!

Comes great riceponsibility -Uncle Ben

She didn't want to waste it, but I assured her that throwing it away is the lesser of two weevils.

Because it's Mission: Impossible.

(Credit to my wife who said that and started singing the movie theme when I was having trouble opening the bag)

She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers

I left my brownies in the oven too long

R.I.P dad, Rest In Pizza.

They're raisin bread.

There was naan.

in fact, I'd roux the day

all.

Me: "If it's self rising, won't it make its way up here on it's own?"

turns out it was a naan starter.

But I broke up with her because she was too kneady.

...call that a 5-o’clock shadough.

When my wife finally asked what I was doing, yelling at a bag of crackers, I explained that the recipe called for 30 crushed crackers.

That happened 2 days ago. By coincidence, we had another recipe for dinner that required crushed crackers, and my wife made sure I understood that it meant physically, not verbally.