My kid’s baby teeth are falling out

This means that the kid is getting closer to adultooth

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grechoir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards had a huge falling out because Mick wouldn't stop speaking in broken Spanish?

When asked about it in an interview, Mick confirmed that "The Rolling Stones gather no mas"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_robototoro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Greek man falling out of an aeroplane?

Con-descending

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/busty_crustacean
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
🚨︎ report
I tried a new asian burrito recently, but the green onions kept falling out.

Curse those wrap-scallions!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TonySpumoni
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
🚨︎ report
What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckarooBanzii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Two elephants and a snake fall out of a plane...

Bu-DUM hisssss

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecorearts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/halokost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
On a recent flight, my friend asked me, β€œIf the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?”

I said, β€œNo, we will still be friends.”

πŸ‘︎ 201
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I took a pole today and found out that 100% of people get upset when a tent falls on top of them.
πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CHEEZY_21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Pete and Repete are in a boat. Pete falls out, who’s left.

Repete

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imhere4yah
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If someone falls out of the sky, and lands on a church...

They would be inspired.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chikyuu_ondanka
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old cousins best joke yet: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hippoplatypus7
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Santa and the elves are drinking around the fire and one of the elves says:

β€œSanta: you’ve been around since the 4th century, seen alphabets and languages rise and fall. Do you have a favorite letter?”

Claus thinks about it, scratches his thick white beard and says: β€œA B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z”

β€œWell Santa, I just asked for one. What does that mean?”

β€œAnd I gave you one! My favorite letter of the alphabet is the most Christmasy one out there! No-L!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I only started liking Fall Out Boy a couple days ago.

I guess that's just who I am this week.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegendMRT
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead! Ahahaha.

My dad wasn’t very good at jokes

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brisingrblade
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
"Happiness does not fall out of the blue, and dreams will not come true by themselves."

That's what Xi said.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mortambulist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A man named Dave. Long joke!

A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"

The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.

"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.

"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up you’re

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kmaff90
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead asleep

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fuvksme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Three whales fall out of an airplane. Two fell on the ground, one fell in the water.

Ba-dum, tsssssss.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poster-nut-bag
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I took a poll the other day.

Turns out 100% of people get angry when their tents fall down.

πŸ‘︎ 257
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redeyeben
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A man gets on an escalator and starts going up, but the motor malfunctions, causing him to speed out of control and fall flat on his face.

All I can say is... that escalated quickly.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
🚨︎ report
A church was hiring a new bell ringer

And they interviewed an applicant named Stan. Stan had no arms due to an accident so the hiring manager asked how he would ever be able to do the job.

"I'll show you",said Stan.

They walked up flight after flight of stairs to the Bell tower all the while the manager wondered how Stan would ever be able to do the job. His questions were soon answered when after reaching the Bell tower, Stan took off running striking the bell face first. Gooong goes the bell. Stan picks himself up, takes off running face first at the bell, Gooong.

"Hold, on. You'll hurt yourself."

"I'm tough," said Stan, " "and I really needed this job"

"Ok," said the manager, leaving Stan to do the job.

All day the bell rang on the hour correctly and the manager thought too soon that he had misjudged Stan. Finally, at six in the evening there were only three gongs, then a commotion. Going out to see what was going on he found Stan dead on the street below. Apparently he had become disoriented from head trauma and missed the bell entirely falling to the street below.

"Who was this man, Who was he?" asked the crowd.

Not wanting to admit liability for the accident, the manager said "I don't know."

"But his face sure rings a bell"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a_pos-tmodern_man
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Two blokes go for a job. Before they can get the job they are asked some questions.

One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions. Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers? So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen. I would go half blind. If i poke you right eye what would happen. I would go fully blind. Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in. As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind. Thanks mate and goes to see the boss. Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen. I would go half blind. Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen. I would go fully blind. The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out. He said thats obvious.

My cap would fall over my eyes!!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 266
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls on you out of a tree?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaneKerman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers fall backward out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward they’d still be in the boat!

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DueceOfAce
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward they would still be in the boat

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/extremeavYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of a boat?

If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wildman1286
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree could kill you?

A pool table!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat into the water?

Because if they fell forward, they would still be in the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What is green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree will kill you?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelscarnfbi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I know a guy who survived an 8000-foot fall out of a plane.

Until he hit the ground.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of boats?

It's because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jshrad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What's green and fuzzy and'll hurt you if it falls out of a tree?

a pool table

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oromanko10
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What's green, fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out a tree?

A pool table

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3B3stSayori
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do divers fall backward out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Datboifritz113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

If they fell forward they'd still be in the boat!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pharm_panda
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pdxbilly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of boats?

Because is they went forward they would fall into the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doritomonkey130
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.

Edit: I accidentally a word.

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jshrad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.