My dad was so cool and collected when he explained the tanker rupture to the president...

It was a slick performance.

👍︎ 2
📅︎ May 24 2020
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A brain aneurysm would be swell.

And brain aneurysm is a ruptured blood vessel. It sweeps up and bursts. So, it would be swell, as in a swelling. And it would be swell as in terrific & welcomed.

👍︎ 5
👤︎ u/lapret
📅︎ Aug 04 2019
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A man built a submarine.

Tested it on Monday and it worked great, so he spent Tuesday - Thursday sailing it around. On Saturday the bow ruptured and it sank. The man sighed, shook his head and mumbled "shoulda known".

What caused the sub to fail?

The weekend.

👍︎ 5
📅︎ May 30 2017
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Dad Joke From One Dad To Another

I'm a dad, and I told my dad this, so I think it counts. It got a lot of groans, so I think it's great, if a bit long.

I once lived near a small, simple town where there lived named Hugh.

Hugh was a very smart man stricken with a series of personal tragedies earlier in his life. As a result, he moved to this small town and took a job in his local florist shop, relaxing the days away arranging flowers and trying not to think of times past. Hugh grew to love working there.

One day, a disaster struck the town. A small, single engine airplane crashed a block from Hugh's shop, killing those on the plane and setting fire to several buildings, both occupied and empty.

The impact ruptured a gas line, which ultimately exploded, creating a shock wave that caused part of the building next to the florist shop to collapse and trap several of Hugh's customers and co-workers inside. The situation was desperate, as the shop would be burned to the ground at any moment.

Acting quickly, Hugh located the gas main, shutting it down. Next, Hugh noticed a water storage tank nearby, and opened a release valve that suffocated the fire before it reached his beloved shop.

With the fire out, and the florist shop saved along with those trapped inside, Hugh was a hero. The town presented him with a plaque in honor of his courageous deeds. On this plaque was a detailed etching of a bear, and Hugh was touched because he loved bears. But it was the words etched beneath that truly touched him.

"Only Hugh could prevent florist fires."

👍︎ 6
📅︎ Jul 08 2015
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