Earnest Puns

In America I’m Frank, and in Europe I’m Earnest!

I nodded and said, "You know what I mean, Vern?"

My wife didn't get it, but the counselor and I couldn't stop laughing.

http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3959

I’d need to change my name

Orange is the new black.

But I respect her as a singer

Saw this today as I was going through their guided communication. My name is Michael.

http://i.imgur.com/nDuGVN1.png

and he just stands there, surveying the assemblage as the room goes quiet. And suddenly he yells, "All you dirty bastards, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

And the crowd rushing the exists raises a cloud of dust, obscuring vision. When it settled, the gunslinger notices one little wizened old man tucked in a corner beside the piano. The gunslinger walks over, his spurs making a small jingling sound. He stands in front of the still-seated old man. "WELL?," he demands.

The old man looks up earnestly into the gunslinger's face, "Sure was a lot of 'em, wasn't ther?".

We were just on the couch watching an episode of "Planet Earth" and during a scene about animals in rivers, she asks me,

"What's the difference an alligator and a crocodile?" in all earnest.

Immediately I replied, "one you see later, and the other you see in a while."

I got the DIRTIEST look after it took a second for the joke to hit home.

He called it the Earnest Lemming-Way.

I considered taking them to a tailor to get shortened, but I think doing it myself was the more earnest hemming way.

Feel free to join us over at /r/TomSwifties if this sort of masochism works for you!

Meanwhile... .
"Quick! Hide all the religious pamphlets!" said Tom distractingly.
.
"I think I'm becoming a homosexual necrophiliac," said Tom, in dead earnest.
.
"Now I can do some painting," said Tom easily.

She's been working nonstop on her dissertation for a few weeks now and is pretty exhausted. Came home from the library at 11:30/12 last night, and as she settled down to do more work:

"Right. Time to start working in earnest."

"Who's Ernest, and why are you working in him?"

she was not impressed

I'd have to change my Name