We had an arsonist throw Molotov cocktails at driveways, sheds, and cars parked all around our neighborhood.
It really hit close to home.
Someone has stepped on my driveway while I was repaving it, I swear.
I have concrete evidence.
I was clearing the snow off the driveway with my son today.
He said, "Dad, I wish you would just use a shovel."
The other day I was shovelling the driveway with my son
Son: “Dad don’t you have a shovel instead?”
My wife got angry at me because I was drunkenly shoveling the driveway when she got home.
I don't get it. I told her I'd stop drinking this winter, with snow exceptions.
I’ve had it. This winter, I’m making my wife snowblow the driveway
If you fall in your driveway,
(For big brains only) What do you call a car when it turns into a driveway?
If you fall down in your driveway, you can’t blame anyone else.
Who's fault is it if you trip on your driveway?
My neighbor opened their garage door and started throwing weights, bars, a bench and a treadmill onto the driveway. I asked them what was up and they said...
"We're having a going out of fitness sale."
Post-impressionist painters often get stuck in the driveway before a family trip.
For whatever reason they can’t make their van Gogh.
If you trip while in your driveway
That's your asphalt, not mine.
The guy I hired to pave my driveway has gone missing.
Hope he resurfaces one day.
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
I thanked him for cleaning my driveway. But he just brushed it off.
It snowed 8" last night - took me an hour to shovel the driveway.
I left work and a cop followed me home for my entire 50 minute commute then ticketed me in my own driveway.
He approached me after I had parked in my driveway and asked if I knew why he was writing me a ticket.
I told him I had no idea what I had done wrong.
He said that he followed me for my entire commute and not once did I get in an accident. He fined me for wreck-less driving.
My wife said she wanted a puppy for her birthday, so I got her one.
The next morning she saw me loading it into the back of my car.
She rushed out to the driveway and shouted "Hey! Where do you think you are you going?!"
I said, "I'm taking him back, honey."
"Taking him back!" she yelled. "Why?"
I said, "It's not your birthday any more."
Used a fabric softener bottle to spread rock salt on the driveway, had to label it properly
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway
I have it all thawed out.
a very special dad joke
It's a joke but it's told as a story and this is how my grandpa told me about "the time the dog drank the gas" he tells the story very seriously. Before you were born our old dog was outside one day and I was mowing the lawn. I left the gas can on the driveway and the dog knocked it over spilled it and drank the gas. Then he started running really fast in circles around the house for about an hour then just fell over. End of story he goes silent. Of course any kids going to ask about the dog or assume it died which his reply is always. Nope didn't die just ran out of gas. Tell it with a very serious tone and demeanor
A driveway isn't a parking lot...
What’s the first sign of Madness?
Suggs walking up your driveway
A magician was driving down the road. Suddenly, he turned into a driveway.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my dad about it.
He said there was a great sail
My boyfriend and I were driving up his driveway when I found out he's a dad
"I'm gonna get the mail. There might be some femail in there too"
You can’t blame anyone if you fall in your driveway
Because that’s your own asphalt
You can’t blame anyone else if you fall in your driveway…
If you fall down in your driveway, don't blame anyone else
You can't blame anyone else if you fall in your driveway.
I fell in my driveway and can't sue anyone.
You can't blame anyone else if you fall on your own driveway..
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway
I tripped and fell in my driveway.
You can’t blame anyone else if you fall in your driveway.
If you slip and fall in your driveway...
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
if you crash your car in your driveway who do you blame?
You can't blame anyone else that's your own asphalt!
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
I was shoveling the snow off the driveway with my son today.
He said, "Dad, can't you just use a shovel?"
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