It snowed 8" last night - took me an hour to shovel the driveway.
If you slip and fall in your driveway...
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
A driveway isn't a parking lot...
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway
I have it all thawed out.
My Cousin Blames Me For Him Tripping On His Own Driveway.
I don’t understand, it’s his own stupid asphalt.
We had an arsonist throw Molotov cocktails at driveways, sheds, and cars parked all around our neighborhood.
It really hit close to home.
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
I left work and a cop followed me home for my entire 50 minute commute then ticketed me in my own driveway.
He approached me after I had parked in my driveway and asked if I knew why he was writing me a ticket.
I told him I had no idea what I had done wrong.
He said that he followed me for my entire commute and not once did I get in an accident. He fined me for wreck-less driving.
I was surprised when I saw a boat in the driveway so I asked my dad about it.
He said there was a great sail
Why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?
A magician was driving down the road. Suddenly, he turned into a driveway.
I was standing outside in my driveway last night and the newspaper delivery guy drove by and threw a newspaper in my driveway...
I said "Hey pal, I got news for you, too!".
Since we park on the driveway, drive on the parkway, and pay tolls on the freeway, doesn't it seem a bit risky to shop at Safeway?
I was shoveling the snow off the driveway with my son today.
He said, "Dad, can't you just use a shovel?"
Used a fabric softener bottle to spread rock salt on the driveway, had to label it properly
Last night I was finishing up pressure washing my driveway and one neighbor dad drove by and said “lookin’ good, great practice for when you do mine this weekend”, and then turned to his wife in the passenger seat laughing hysterically as she looked at him with a blank stare.
As we were pulling out of our driveway and I was adjusting the mirrors, I said to my wife, "It's important to remember, there's side view, rear view and you know what else?"
I walked up the driveway, and my dad was pulling weeds. I asked how is day was going.
"I'm getting to the root of the problem!" He says.
My boyfriend and I were driving up his driveway when I found out he's a dad
"I'm gonna get the mail. There might be some femail in there too"
After shoveling the driveway, my father in law told me he threw his back out.
I don't know why he would do that. He's definitely going to need it still.
"Feel free to park in the driveway when you arrive
(not before tee hee 😂)"
Actual email from my dad from last weekend, including emoji.
My coworker is redoing her driveway
She was talking about how she needed the measurements of the driveway so that she would know how much gravel she needed.
She turns towards me and asks me in the middle of her ramblings "How many feet are in a yard?"
Without missing a beat I reply "Two if you're standing in it."
I was the first one to drive down our freshly sealed driveway
On the way down, I passed my Dad, who was staring at the tires and frowning. I said "What's wrong?"
He replied, "Your tires are black."
"Shit, did I get sealant on them?"
"No," he replied, "They're just black."
I meant in the driveway....
My mom had a few people gather at our house before her friends surprise party and my car was at the top of the driveway. I was about to go out so I asked my dad, "Is there anyone behind me?".... Dad: "I dunno turn around." Sigh
if you crash your car in your driveway who do you blame?
You can't blame anyone else that's your own asphalt!
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know there’s no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
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