So today, I had a conversation with my friend while walking home from school. At one point my lace untied and he pointed that out to me while we were walking past a 7eleven. I am horrible at making puns so forgive me. I shall call him J
J: You u should tie up your shoes
Me(pointing to the lays packet in the store): I can't be bothered tying my shoe-lays
J: You should stop spread them all around the "play-se" (place)
Me: Well maybe you should stop lay-zing around and actually study(he couldn't reply to that cuz all he does is lay-ing around aimlessly. Haha! See what I did there!)
Conversation deviates
Me: come follow me to Cheers let's look for a giftcard
J: nah
Me: get your lay-z ass over to cheers u ungrateful bitch! u make my life lays miserables
Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isn’t it!?"
It's some real hard hitting stuff..
He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...Upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes, with hot water, under his wife’s supervision.
I have to admit... it was a pretty good counter argument.
I said it actually just took me a goodyear or two
I'm in the 'Fitness Protection Programme '
So I said they'll have to preform for me sometime
He was de-composing
…to make hens meet.
Nomaste
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
I've never been caught.
^#HomeLess
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
Rubbing his hands
Apparently they enjoy dim sums in the morning
..6 months, 15 days, 9 hours, and coming up to 12 minutes..now
I didn't in-vitamin.
I told him he was "sight-heeheeing"
She's having a hard time taking notes.
I sat silently because I had no re-torte
Decomposing.
Nobody else finds this humerus.
you get yogurt
I remember I came home one night and fixed a dartboard to the ceiling.
Spent the rest of the night throwing up.
he said, "because it says 'concentrate' on the can."
It's inconceivable.
Initialicing
“Because it has a stabled economy.”
My 10yo daughter just came up to me with this after sitting there stewing about my previous joke.
Her said called her and said Mom isn't doing well. She got all worried and started getting emotional so she called her Grandmother to ask what was going on. She found out that Doctors are telling her one of her ovaries seems missing and they don't know where it is. She seemed relieved to find this out as it wasn't as serious as her dad made it out to be but was still concerned.
I told her that her dad had an ovaryaction.
I caught her in the rye. How'd she not think I was going to catch her in the rye?
Making mirrors
Tomorrow they will give a special press conference
