A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
A guy wakes up in hospital and screams, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs."
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?
A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy
The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts
If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…
He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.
Proud of my son coming up with this joke.. Doctor: don’t eat too many apples...
Otherwise you will turn into an Iron man
My 8 yo made this up after seeing a doctor: What makes your mouth sad?
The WHO have a German Doctor now heading up their COVID response..
.. He's Dr Hans Sanitizer.
A bloke wakes up in hospital after an operation and shouts "Doctor I cant feel my legs"
The doctor said i know we chopped your arms off.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Doctor,my back hurts when I get up in the morning.
Then get up in the afternoon.
John Cena: *wakes up in hospital* Where am I? Doctor:ICU John Cena: No you cant
A patient goes to the doctor for a check up
The doctor says " i think i know whats wrong here, your DNA is backwards."
The patient then replies "AND?"
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline....
He said it got pushed back
So, you don’t trust a doctor to stitch you up?
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks ...
“It’s easy, you just not eating properly” the doctors replies.
Never let your eye doctor cut up your cocaine
The first line is massive
Then they get smaller and smaller
I saw a communist who was up for his Hepatitis shot. He was telling stories to the doctor out of fear of needles.
The doctor said “Quit Stalin”
With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?"
Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"
Exasperated, I showed him the picture and pleaded, "Doctor, all of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!"
He acknowledged grimly, "Indeed, that's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen."
A man walks into a doctor's office with celery in one ear, peas in the other, and a carrot up each nostril, and says "Doc, I don't feel well". The doctor replies "It's because you aren't eating right."
Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."
The second doctor responds, "Suture self."
After the doctor finished up with my prostrate exam the nurse came in and said three words I didn’t want to hear...
I had aspirations of being a doctor when I grew up. My dad said he would never let me operate on him.
Fine, I said, suture self.
My dad told me this joke to cheer me up while at the doctors
Man: Doctor, I swallowed my flute
Doctor: Good thing you are not a pianist
Broke my arm and ended up in hospital. The doctor told me she would have to take a urine sample.
I asked her if she was taking the piss
A guy goes to the doctor and says “I don’t feel too good it feels like I’ve got a lettuce up my butt.
The proctologist says alright let me have a look.
The proctologist comes back and says “I’ve got bad news, it’s worse than that, that’s only the tip of the iceberg”.
My child was acting up at the doctor’s office.
I said, “Be a little patient.”
A man woke up in a hospital after a terrible accident. He shouted, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know. I amputated your arms!”
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor says: “I can tell right away that you’re not eating right”
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t I’ve cut off your arms!”
Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!
Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
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