A costumer got me today
So I was working in the soup and sandwich area of the food chain I work for. A man comes up and asks what soups we have today, which is a common occurrence.
Me: We have chicken noodle, cream of broccoli and...that's it.
Him: oh, I'll have that's it.
It took a minute to realized I just got hit with a dad joke and cracked up. When I hand him his food I made sure to tell him "Here is your that's it" we were both grinning ear to ear from it.
He basically made my night do a 180° with that joke. Thanks random dad for making my night!
Barack Obama went to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback. Someone asks what he is and says "I'm a snail!"
"That's M'Shell on my back!"
A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
Costume Party
Host: What are you?
Me: I'm a harp.
Host: You're costume's a bit too small to be a harp.
Me: Are you calling me a Lyre?
Time to put on the costume
I went to a costume party dressed as a Euro. When asked what I was I told people I was new Italian currency...
There is a famous drug store in my city, because they wear disney costume to cheer up people
the main guy wears a Donald duck costume. I really don't like to go to the store though because my mom always said that one shouldn't take drugs from a quack.
I wore a credit card costume yesterday, I think I'll wear it today
I asked my dad why his ghost costume smells so bad.
He told me it was because he was covered in sheet.
Why did the French Halloween ghost costume smell so bad?
Because it was made of old sheet.
Some of my pun-tastic Halloween costumes throughout the years: Reverse Cowgirl, Edgar Allan Ho, and Freudian Slip.
My Halloween costume - I’m a Buccaneer (buck an ear)
A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.
“I’m a turtle,” he says.
“Oh... who’s on your back?”
“That’s Michelle,” he replies.
On Halloween don't wear a dinosaur costume in bad neighborhoods.
What do you get when you cross a potato with a penis?
I just tried on my Spider-Man pants for a costume party
They look great but the fly keeps getting stuck
From my 8 year old, on his path to becoming a great dad: "What did the designers of Darth Vader's costume model it on?"
I wanted to buy the perfect Vincent Van Gogh costume for a Halloween party, but I couldn't find one.
They were all ear-regular.
I work at the mall as Santa Claus during Christmas. I'm wearing the costume for most of the day, but sometimes my colleague takes my place while I take a break
I'm the main Claus and he's my subordinate Claus.
This joke may need a little work... I was going to throw a costume party this Halloween...
But, I think everyone would come as surgeons.
This is the part that may need work...
Did you hear about the mobsters that always wore costumes?
They were a bunch of wise guise.
My wife tried to help me and washed my bear costume in hot water. It shrunk outa my size!
Just had this convo with a friend about her new costume
Why didn't the ballerina wear three costumes?
Because that would be tutu many, obviously.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Costume Designers Literally Only Want One Thing...
I have a lot of extravagant outfits and costumes.
The singer of "Believe" asked me to give her some.
I told her, "But I don't want to, Cher"
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
(True story, btw.)
My Halloween costume this year
Saw this puntastic costume at this years Magfest. Toadally awesome.
That costume might come in handy some day
A policeman accidentally arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a costume party. That cop learned never to book a judge by his cover.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Tonight, I'm going trick-or-treating with the same costume I had from last year
All my neighbors are going to get a case of déjà BOO.
My triple pun Halloween costume deserves the triple crown.
That costume is too small to be a harp!
Are you calling me a lyre?
I went to a costume party dressed as a harp. The host said my costume was too small to be a harp.
I replied, "Are you calling me a lyre?"
So I went to a costume party dressed as a harp.
The host says, “What are you dressed as?”
I tell him, “I’m a harp.”
He says, “But your costume is to small to be a harp.”
I was incredibly offended, and tell him, “Are you calling me a lyre?!”
Costume party (from r/me_irl)
Host: what are you?
Me: I'm a harp.
Host: Your costumes too small to be a harp.
Me: are you calling me a lyre!?
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