The dwarf fortune teller who kills his costumers...
...is a small medium at large
A costumer got me today
So I was working in the soup and sandwich area of the food chain I work for. A man comes up and asks what soups we have today, which is a common occurrence.
Me: We have chicken noodle, cream of broccoli and...that's it.
Him: oh, I'll have that's it.
It took a minute to realized I just got hit with a dad joke and cracked up. When I hand him his food I made sure to tell him "Here is your that's it" we were both grinning ear to ear from it.
He basically made my night do a 180° with that joke. Thanks random dad for making my night!
Time to put on the costume
Some of my pun-tastic Halloween costumes throughout the years: Reverse Cowgirl, Edgar Allan Ho, and Freudian Slip.
My Halloween costume - I’m a Buccaneer (buck an ear)
A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.
“I’m a turtle,” he says.
“Oh... who’s on your back?”
“That’s Michelle,” he replies.
On Halloween don't wear a dinosaur costume in bad neighborhoods.
So I went to a costume party dressed as a harp.
The host says, “What are you dressed as?”
I tell him, “I’m a harp.”
He says, “But your costume is to small to be a harp.”
I was incredibly offended, and tell him, “Are you calling me a lyre?!”
I just tried on my Spider-Man pants for a costume party
They look great but the fly keeps getting stuck
I work at the mall as Santa Claus during Christmas. I'm wearing the costume for most of the day, but sometimes my colleague takes my place while I take a break
I'm the main Claus and he's my subordinate Claus.
I wanted to buy the perfect Vincent Van Gogh costume for a Halloween party, but I couldn't find one.
They were all ear-regular.
This joke may need a little work... I was going to throw a costume party this Halloween...
But, I think everyone would come as surgeons.
This is the part that may need work...
Did you hear about the mobsters that always wore costumes?
They were a bunch of wise guise.
From my 8 year old, on his path to becoming a great dad: "What did the designers of Darth Vader's costume model it on?"
My wife tried to help me and washed my bear costume in hot water. It shrunk outa my size!
Why didn't the ballerina wear three costumes?
Because that would be tutu many, obviously.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume?
Costume Designers Literally Only Want One Thing...
2 years ago I went to Halloween as ThanOS
I have a lot of extravagant outfits and costumes.
The singer of "Believe" asked me to give her some.
I told her, "But I don't want to, Cher"
Just had this convo with a friend about her new costume
I thought about dressing up as a plank of wood for halloween
I changed my mind because i would get board quickly.
Saw this puntastic costume at this years Magfest. Toadally awesome.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
(True story, btw.)
My Halloween costume this year
Me and my friend were going to a costume party. He told me he was coming as a small island off the coast of Italy
I got fired for wearing a bear costume to work
They violated my constitutional right to bear arms
A wolf goes costume shopping...
He found a lamb costume on the clearance rack. But it still wasn't sheep enough for him.
A policeman accidentally arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a costume party. That cop learned never to book a judge by his cover.
What do you call a Pig in a Cow costume?
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
Tonight, I'm going trick-or-treating with the same costume I had from last year
All my neighbors are going to get a case of déjà BOO.
That costume might come in handy some day
My triple pun Halloween costume deserves the triple crown.
At a costume party
Guy 1: What are you dressed as?
Guy 2: I'm a harp
Guy 1: That looks too small for a harp
Guy 2: You calling me a lyre?
On my yacht, I make one of the crew dress in cute costume to stand for the pole supporting the yards, booms, and rigging...
Found a costume for the next dress-up party, I think it will be a great converseATION starter.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Is my friend good enough for the big leagues (for puns)?
Costume party (from r/me_irl)
Host: what are you?
Me: I'm a harp.
Host: Your costumes too small to be a harp.
Me: are you calling me a lyre!?
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