Two artists had an art contest.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Did you hear about the no-armed man who entered the masturbation contest?
Poor guy didnβt come anywhere.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
Before I join a contest, I always make my dog urinate on a photograph of the other contenders.
It gives me a leg up on the competition.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef. He invites 3 renowned chefs from all over the kingdom to serve him and the favorite will become the new royal chef!
The first chef serves the king an enormous rack of ribs. "Very impressive," said the king.
The second chef serves a huge steak, cooked to perfection. "So satisfying," said the king.
The third chef gives the king a plate with small rocks on a bed of shredded cabbage. "What the hell is this," the king asks.
The third chef says, "These rocks fell from the sky into my back yard. Indeed, ribs and steak are very meaty, but asteroids are meteor!"
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︎ Mar 19 2021
I entered 10 puns in a joke contest. I figured one of them would win...
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︎ Feb 13 2021
I was in a contest where you lost if you talked.
It was quite the competion, to say the least.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
I'm thinking about cosplaying as Junkrat for a cosplay contest...
But it'd cost me an arm and a leg.
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︎ Mar 19 2021
I entered a seasoning contest and got first place.
The judges said my entry was the best of all thyme.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
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︎ Jan 28 2021
A woman entered an online pun contest. She submitted ten different puns in the hope that at least one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
My friend entered a contest to win a trip to a city on the French Riviera. He didn't win...
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︎ Feb 18 2021
I once finished runner-up in a Fidel Castro look-a-like contest.
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︎ Feb 08 2021
I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
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︎ Dec 26 2020
The competitive painting contest was an abject failure
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︎ Jan 02 2021
What did John Mcenroe say when he was disqualified from the chese eating contest
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︎ Dec 26 2020
A son tells his Dad he wants to win the limbo contest at his school...
His dad says, "That's a pretty low bar."
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︎ Dec 30 2020
I'm going on a quiz show! There are lots of other contestants, but they're all grizzlies and polars. It's called...
Who wants to beat a million bears.
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︎ Dec 24 2020
The Biggest Loserβs contestant talking about his opponent:
βIβm not worried about her, she is a lightweight.β
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︎ Dec 31 2020
I entered my Chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place!
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Have you ever wondered why the winner of all the Miss Universe contest...
...always came from Earth ?
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︎ Dec 14 2020
I struggled hard in the bodybuilding contest.
Turns out, I've got atrophy
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
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︎ Oct 21 2019
I'm closely watching how this contested election affects the volatility of the stock markets.
I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
My cat got 10/10 points at a beauty contest
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︎ Aug 26 2020
I've just entered the neighborhoods tightest hat contest..
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︎ Sep 10 2020
If he won't talk I guess it's just a stairing contest
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︎ Jun 15 2019
I was all ready to host a limbo contest, but then I found out that someone stole my special limbo bar.
I mean, how low can you go?
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︎ Oct 02 2020
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre
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︎ Sep 23 2020
One of the local radio stations had a "Worst Pun" contest.
The best part was you could submit multiple entries, and I sent in a bunch, at least 10. I figured the more I came up with, one of them had to win.
But, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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︎ Sep 19 2020
Just watched an episode of MasterChef. The contestants had to successfully infuse a lump of meat with THC or get eliminated
I guess you could say the steaks were high
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︎ May 07 2020
Did you hear about all the competition in the outdoor pickled cabbage contest?
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set
You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst
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︎ Aug 15 2020
βJudge, I want to contest 50% of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus!β
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Ok. I want to contest half of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
I won a crying contest.
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︎ Jul 28 2020
A male dog and a female dog are having a pissing contest, which one will win?
Obviously the male dog because he has the-leg-up.
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︎ Aug 16 2020
I entered a pun contest once
You had to send in your best puns, via snail mail, in an orderly list. I sent ten in, thinking at least one would win me a prize, but no pun in ten did.
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︎ Jan 21 2020
I sent 10 puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win
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︎ Jan 28 2021
I entered a pooping contest once
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
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︎ Oct 22 2020
I entered 10 puns in a contest hoping one would win.
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︎ Apr 10 2020
I entered ten puns into a contest.
I hoped one would win, but no pun in ten did.
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︎ Sep 01 2020
A man entered a pun contest and said ten pins, hoping one would win...
Unfortunately no pun intended
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︎ Jun 17 2020
Two artists had an art contest. How did it end?
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︎ Mar 26 2020
βJudge, I want to contest 60% of my parking tickets!β
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!
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︎ Oct 31 2019
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