Why don't trees get Christmas presents from Santa?
What do gangstas decorate their Christmas trees with?
A lorry full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Warning: be careful of your Christmas trees,
You might get tinsel-itus
Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
Because they always drop their needles... Ho Ho Ho!
What happens if you remove Christmas trees?
Then there are only Christmas two's left
My son likes our new plates and glasses, the ones with the Christmas trees on them
I had to tell him to call a Spode a Spode.
Why do Christmas Trees prefer the past?
Because present is beneath them.
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
So I brought a tree home for Christmas
My son saw the huge tree and asked, "Are you going to put i up yourself?"
I replied, "No son I'm going to put it up in the living room."
Why were there no fighting games under the Christmas tree?
What did Jack yell when he angrily chopped down his favorite tree in The Nightmare Before Christmas?
Tiiimmmmmmbbeeerrrrrrr-ton
Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree.
The guy behind the counter said to my dad, "Are you going to put it up yourself?".
Dad replied, "Don't be disgusting, I'm going to put it in the living room."
You know what they say about picking the right species of Christmas Tree?
It's a huge Pine in the Ash
I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"
I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"
Today I started decorating the Christmas tree with my kids....
But they started screaming and complaining, so I had to take them down.
I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.
The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
My cat kept trying to climb my Christmas tree so I put aluminum around the base of the tree.
Her plans have been foiled.
How did the frustrated husband decorate the christmas tree?
I am going to decorate my next christmas tree with miniature tnt sticks instead of candy canes
Oh tannen-bomb oh tannen-bomb...
My dad had a Christmas ornament of Elvis dressed as an Angel on his tree. I asked my Dad why little angel Elvis wasn’t wearing any pants. He replied:
Because he died on the toilet
Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
When the budget for Christmas tree is tide
How much did it cost me to get the perfect size Christmas tree for my house?
My wife made me get an artificial Christmas tree last Christmas.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Why was the Christmas tree on trial?
What’s a unicorn in a Christmas tree called?
A unicornament!
This was said last night in Target when we were getting ornaments. Boyfriend joke. It was a hit with the smalls.
It was my turn to hide the pickle on the tree this Christmas.
No matter how hard I tried, you could always see the jar sticking out.
It was a Vlasic holiday blunder.
[true story] Dad and daughter trimming the Christmas tree with tinsel— DAD (points to empty spot on tree and says to daughter): “Little more on here.” DAUGHTER (storms off crying)...
...”MOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!”
Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!
She's going to love these flowers!
I like sitting around the Christmas Tree listening to Slayer.
My kids are going to decorate the Christmas tree this year.
It's cheaper than tinsel and baubles.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?'
Why do trees never get Christmas Presents?
Why don't Christmas trees learn to knit?
They always drop their needles.
Why are Christmas trees so bad at upholstery?
They always drop their needles.
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree...
The guy at the counter asked my dad "are you going to put it up yourself?" To which my dad responded "don't be disgusting... I'm going to put it in the living room."
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
Son: That's a big Christmas tree, Dad. Are you going to put it up yourself?
Dad: No, son. I'm going to put it in the living room.
The guy that sold me my Christmas tree asked if I'd be putting it up myself...
...nah mate. I'll be putting it in the living room.
Last christmas we bought a fake christmas tree and the man behind the counter said, "Are you going to put it up yourself?"
Disgusted, Dad replied, "Don't be silly, I'm putting it in the living room!"
A dad comes home with a christmas tree and his daughter asks if he is going to put it up himself.
He replies, "Of course not, I'm going to put it in the living room."
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