I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree

The assistant asked me, β€œWill you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, β€œhell no, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theskyguyuk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stalnoypirat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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So I brought a tree home for Christmas

My son saw the huge tree and asked, "Are you going to put i up yourself?"

I replied, "No son I'm going to put it up in the living room."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree.

The guy behind the counter said to my dad, "Are you going to put it up yourself?".

Dad replied, "Don't be disgusting, I'm going to put it in the living room."

πŸ‘︎ 947
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Why were there no fighting games under the Christmas tree?

They got Tekken

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saint_Talos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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You know what they say about picking the right species of Christmas Tree?

It's a huge Pine in the Ash

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TangerineX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"

I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kreevbik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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What did Jack yell when he angrily chopped down his favorite tree in The Nightmare Before Christmas?

Tiiimmmmmmbbeeerrrrrrr-ton

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obrocheetah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Today I started decorating the Christmas tree with my kids....

But they started screaming and complaining, so I had to take them down.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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My cat kept trying to climb my Christmas tree so I put aluminum around the base of the tree.

Her plans have been foiled.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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How did the frustrated husband decorate the christmas tree?

Blue balls

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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I am going to decorate my next christmas tree with miniature tnt sticks instead of candy canes

Oh tannen-bomb oh tannen-bomb...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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My dad had a Christmas ornament of Elvis dressed as an Angel on his tree. I asked my Dad why little angel Elvis wasn’t wearing any pants. He replied:

Because he died on the toilet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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When the budget for Christmas tree is tide
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Tale of a Christmas tree
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaplease1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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How much did it cost me to get the perfect size Christmas tree for my house?

Tree-fitty

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catscam7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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My wife made me get an artificial Christmas tree last Christmas.

It's just not Fir.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gwailo27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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Finally put up the Christmas tree...

It really spruced up the room.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinda-unrelated
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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Why was the Christmas tree on trial?

Treason.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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What’s a unicorn in a Christmas tree called?

A unicornament!

This was said last night in Target when we were getting ornaments. Boyfriend joke. It was a hit with the smalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerdgirl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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It was my turn to hide the pickle on the tree this Christmas.

No matter how hard I tried, you could always see the jar sticking out. It was a Vlasic holiday blunder.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nicker87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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[true story] Dad and daughter trimming the Christmas tree with tinselβ€” DAD (points to empty spot on tree and says to daughter): β€œLittle more on here.” DAUGHTER (storms off crying)...

...”MOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!

She's going to love these flowers!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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I like sitting around the Christmas Tree listening to Slayer.

One Horse Open Slayer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry

You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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My kids are going to decorate the Christmas tree this year.

It's cheaper than tinsel and baubles.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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What do you put on a grumpy Christmas tree?

Ornery-ments

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordTrollsworth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition

I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?'

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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What do a Christmas tree and a catholic priest have in common?

Their balls are there for show and a child’s enjoyment.

Sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bryce-I-guess
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Buying the Christmas tree with dad
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pczerw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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The whole Christmas tree trend started because people thought it would spruce things up a bit.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ocbrad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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My Christmas Tree has been through several wars, I can only place ornaments on the top of it now.

It is very highly decorated.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TannedCroissant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Was talking to my wife about heading to the local fire hall for their charity Christmas tree drop-off and chipping...

Me: "Do you know if they are rejecting any trees at the firehall this year?"

Wife: "No...? I haven't heard anything"

Me: "I guess they still have an o-PINE door policy!"

Wife: "I hate you so much right now"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jjsidhu23
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross an iPad with a Christmas tree?

A pine-apple

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshCoffee15
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL the reason santa supposedly enters through the chimney is because that's traditionally how you were supposed to bring the christmas tree inside.

They decided to change it though because it was a pine in the ash

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gormtex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Tomorrow you can put up a Christmas tree…

…but tonight, it’s all about the poultry.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astuder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why didn't Michael Myers set up his Christmas tree?

He focused too much on his stalking

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AxXB1ZXxB
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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I didn't realize how lopsided and uneven our Christmas tree was until we got home. I'm so mad that we might have to bring it back.

I just can't stand it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leve1e1even
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.

I said: β€œOf course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.

The assistant asked me, β€œWill you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, β€œNo, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”

πŸ‘︎ 269
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forstuvetankel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree...

The guy at the counter asked my dad "are you going to put it up yourself?" To which my dad responded "don't be disgusting... I'm going to put it in the living room."

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.

I said: β€œOf course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”

πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mark30322
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Son: That's a big Christmas tree, Dad. Are you going to put it up yourself?

Dad: No, son. I'm going to put it in the living room.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoungMuppet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The guy that sold me my Christmas tree asked if I'd be putting it up myself...

...nah mate. I'll be putting it in the living room.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeeBitVideo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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A dad comes home with a christmas tree and his daughter asks if he is going to put it up himself.

He replies, "Of course not, I'm going to put it in the living room."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Natbud5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Bought a Christmas tree today

The guy asked, "will you be putting that up yourself?" I said, "No I'll be putting it in my living room."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shipless_Captain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
🚨︎ report

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