You know what they say about picking the right species of Christmas Tree?
It's a huge Pine in the Ash
Today I started decorating the Christmas tree with my kids....
But they started screaming and complaining, so I had to take them down.
I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"
I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree.
The guy behind the counter said to my dad, "Are you going to put it up yourself?".
Dad replied, "Don't be disgusting, I'm going to put it in the living room."
I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.
The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, “No, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”
My cat kept trying to climb my Christmas tree so I put aluminum around the base of the tree.
Her plans have been foiled.
How did the frustrated husband decorate the christmas tree?
I am going to decorate my next christmas tree with miniature tnt sticks instead of candy canes
Oh tannen-bomb oh tannen-bomb...
My dad had a Christmas ornament of Elvis dressed as an Angel on his tree. I asked my Dad why little angel Elvis wasn’t wearing any pants. He replied:
Because he died on the toilet
When the budget for Christmas tree is tide
How much did it cost me to get the perfect size Christmas tree for my house?
My wife made me get an artificial Christmas tree last Christmas.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Why was the Christmas tree on trial?
What’s a unicorn in a Christmas tree called?
A unicornament!
This was said last night in Target when we were getting ornaments. Boyfriend joke. It was a hit with the smalls.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
It was my turn to hide the pickle on the tree this Christmas.
No matter how hard I tried, you could always see the jar sticking out.
It was a Vlasic holiday blunder.
[true story] Dad and daughter trimming the Christmas tree with tinsel— DAD (points to empty spot on tree and says to daughter): “Little more on here.” DAUGHTER (storms off crying)...
...”MOM! DAD CALLED ME A LITTLE MORON!!”
Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!
She's going to love these flowers!
I like sitting around the Christmas Tree listening to Slayer.
I went to buy a new christmas tree...
The cashier asked me,
"Are you going to put it up yourself?"
I replied,
“Don’t be disgusting...I’m going to put it up in the living room.”
My kids are going to decorate the Christmas tree this year.
It's cheaper than tinsel and baubles.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you put on a grumpy Christmas tree?
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?'
What do a Christmas tree and a catholic priest have in common?
Their balls are there for show and a child’s enjoyment.
Sorry.
The whole Christmas tree trend started because people thought it would spruce things up a bit.
My Christmas Tree has been through several wars, I can only place ornaments on the top of it now.
It is very highly decorated.
Was talking to my wife about heading to the local fire hall for their charity Christmas tree drop-off and chipping...
Me: "Do you know if they are rejecting any trees at the firehall this year?"
Wife: "No...? I haven't heard anything"
Me: "I guess they still have an o-PINE door policy!"
Wife: "I hate you so much right now"
What do you get when you cross an iPad with a Christmas tree?
Tomorrow you can put up a Christmas tree…
…but tonight, it’s all about the poultry.
TIL the reason santa supposedly enters through the chimney is because that's traditionally how you were supposed to bring the christmas tree inside.
They decided to change it though because it was a pine in the ash
Buying the Christmas tree with dad
Why didn't Michael Myers set up his Christmas tree?
He focused too much on his stalking
I didn't realize how lopsided and uneven our Christmas tree was until we got home. I'm so mad that we might have to bring it back.
It took my friend only 30 minutes to put up the Christmas tree.
It took the surgeons more than 4 hours to take it out, however.
Christmas tree shortage????
Me: There aren't any trees at XYC store.
Wife: Christmas tree shortage?
Me: No, the ones at the other store were normal size......
My kid asked me if I’m going to put the Christmas tree up myself.
I said I was gonna put it up in the living room.
Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree...
The guy at the counter asked my dad "are you going to put it up yourself?" To which my dad responded "don't be disgusting... I'm going to put it in the living room."
I cut down a Christmas tree today. My wife asked me if I was going to put it up myself.
I said: “Of course not. I was going to put it up in the living room.”
Son: That's a big Christmas tree, Dad. Are you going to put it up yourself?
Dad: No, son. I'm going to put it in the living room.
The guy that sold me my Christmas tree asked if I'd be putting it up myself...
...nah mate. I'll be putting it in the living room.
A dad comes home with a christmas tree and his daughter asks if he is going to put it up himself.
He replies, "Of course not, I'm going to put it in the living room."
Last christmas we bought a fake christmas tree and the man behind the counter said, "Are you going to put it up yourself?"
Disgusted, Dad replied, "Don't be silly, I'm putting it in the living room!"
Bought a Christmas tree today
The guy asked, "will you be putting that up yourself?"
I said, "No I'll be putting it in my living room."
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