I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced β€œβ€˜twas the knife before Christmas!”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mother_of_baggins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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My dad had a Christmas ornament of Elvis dressed as an Angel on his tree. I asked my Dad why little angel Elvis wasn’t wearing any pants. He replied:

Because he died on the toilet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Why did the ornament go to rehab after Christmas?

It was hooked on trees

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oscarwood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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My Christmas Tree has been through several wars, I can only place ornaments on the top of it now.

It is very highly decorated.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TannedCroissant
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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What do you call an ornament on a Christmas tree that is all by itself?

The Decoration of Independence

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
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What’s the diagnosis after swallowing too many Christmas ornaments?

Tinselitis.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thumpingplum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
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My dad tells me how I should put ornaments on my Christmas tree

Dad: "So is your tree going to be facing a wall?"

Me: "Yeah, a wall and a window"

D: "Put all your ornaments on the side facing the wall..."

M: "Go on."

D: "Then, you can tell all your friends that you have a balls to the wall Christmas tree."

D: giggles in success

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P0siden
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
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Hey dad, it's a strawberry tree!

The kids need shoes so we all get dragged to the store. The Christmas trees (already! for crying ou...) in the kids section has got "homemade" ornaments like these.

http://imgur.com/a/CTEuA

My oldest comes up to me and says "Hey daddy, it's a strawberry tree." and I'm like "Strawberry? come on, a blueberry tree at least." and then he goes "No, a STRAWberry, geddit, STRAWberry."

Yes, son. Wipes tear Yes I do geddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketplex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
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More of a grandpa joke

My grandparents on my dad's side would always have my brother and I over for Christmas when we were younger (around when I was 5-10 and my brother was 9-14). They always had a little tree in addition to their big one. The small tree had a bunch of those stereotypical ornaments (round, plain, solid color) in a bunch of different colors. My brother and I would always have fun counting the number of a specific color of ornament separately, then comparing our answers. However, every time we would, we would get different answers, so we'd recount, then get different answers again!

Anyway, just this last year (me being 18, my brother being 22), we reminded our grandfather of this. He laughed, said he remembered it, then said "well, why don't you count up the red ones again, see what you get? I'll tell you if you're right."

We agreed, and got to it. We each counted 3 times separately, then compared, then decided to average them. We got around 24 for the red ones, so went to tell our grandpa. After saying we weren't sure, we asked how many there were. He laughed and said "Darn, I don't know! I was hoping you guys could get a number so I wouldn't have to!"

Not that funny when retold, but it was hilarious then

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SMS450
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2013
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So, I made my co-worker walk out the room.

Today at work, my co-worker and I are decorating the group home we are working in for Christmas. As she finishes decorating the tree, she asks;

Her: The tree looks nice. I don't want to put the rest of the ornaments on it though, cause it'll look clutter. What should we do?

Me: Well... we can always deck the halls?

Followed by lots of laughing while she face palmed and walked out the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mythical_Lies
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
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