I filled my stocking with pistachios so that I can open it up on Christmas morning and say "Aww, nuts!"
👍︎ 49
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📅︎ Dec 19 2016
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My son and I were stocking up for the Christmas party at our new rural home...

And on the way back, my son and I tortillaed through three bags of family size Doritos.

We would have pointed fingers at one another, but they were already in our mouths. Sucky situation, I know.

I turned the car around and said, "Son, now our mission is snackfued."

Salty from our spell of bad luck, we licked our lips and hightailed it back to Walgreens. I sent a MSG to my wife to tell her about the crunch we were in.

Many of our guests had already arrived when we finally returned, holding up our carb-earned trophies.

It was then that my son's friend complimented our modest country estate: "Cool Ranch!"

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📅︎ Dec 18 2017
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Dad joke with props.

For Christmas my dad gave me and my siblings a stocking full of coal. Also in the stocking was stock certificates for coal companies. He wore a well deserved shit eating grin all day.

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Mar 04 2021
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I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift

So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.

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👤︎ u/tazzles26
📅︎ Dec 22 2020
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Where does Santa invest his money?

In Christmas Stockings and shares.

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👤︎ u/Datolite7
📅︎ Dec 20 2019
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My dad spewed this one tonight...

Reading "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"

"He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

But we never did figure out who the jerk was."

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👤︎ u/diggerB
📅︎ Dec 15 2014
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