I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.

I thought "How dairy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?

They were there before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/facepalminghomer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What did my dad say to me when I was putting up my new shelves?

"Watch out for yourshelf."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetoREneT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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I bought my shelves there
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slightly_lisdexic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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Tell me ONE thing wrong with overstocking grocery shelves. Go on.

Aisle weight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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I was trapped between 2 empty shelves when the grocery closed for the evening...

I was stranded in a deserted aisle...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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A cashier walked over to a blind man that was knocking things off the shelves with his cane and asked if he needed any help

He replied, β€œnope, just looking”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dollbot3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Can you believe Trump wants to ban shakers of parmesan from supermarket shelves, only allowing it to be sold in wedge form?

He says he wants to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopsicleMud
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
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The new book on the poltergeist is flying off the shelves.
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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Why are the library's shelves always wet in the morning?

Because they use the Dewey decimal system.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorRobotnik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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I saw a worker stacking shelves at Costco complaining, because the top shelf was broken and he couldn't keep it up...

I think he had a wrecked aisle dysfunction...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
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I had to buy some new shelves at IKEA today

I was feeling a little shelf-conscious.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paper-tigers
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
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My in-laws were building some shelves

Father-in-law: Check out the cantilever shelves we're working on.

Me: Nice! Those remind me of your daughter.

Mother-in-law: What!? Why?

Me: Well, now that we're married, I can't-a-leave-her.

Wife: Please don't laugh at that...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzlebeef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2016
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"I'm going to hang some new shelves, and I broke my mirror...

...can I borrow your stud finder?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HarveySpecter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2014
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I dropped a bunch of canned sweet potatoes before the store opened today while stocking shelves;

My coworker hollered "uh oh!"

I responded with a boisterous "YAM IT!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miriahification
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
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I just got back from a shift at Tesco’s..

And while I was working a nice old lady came to my til. I scanned through all her items and it came to Β£56.83, but after counting up all her change she had just shy of Β£40.

So I offered to help her, to which she refused but I eagerly insisted. I thought this is probably someone’s Nan, and I’d like to think someone would help my Nan in the same situation.

So after no time at all, we had all her shopping back on the shelves!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/archiewalton09
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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A man went into a library and asked, "Do you have any books on shelving?"

The librarian said, "Yes, all of them!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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Can I be candid?

Maybe if you were choppeded into smaller pieces.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Where do books sleep?

Under their covers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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As I was haphazardly putting up some shelving, it fell on me and chipped my tooth.

Now I'm annoyed at my shelf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_blibinator
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
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I went to the library during this pandemic only to see that they were at capacity and weren't letting other people in.

I guess you could say the library was fully booked

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFabulousXD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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Have you heard about the new winged book?

It just flies off the shelves...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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We're putting new shelving up at work.

In our cooler and the cooling unit has a pipe running through the current shelves. So my boss and I are kinda weighing the pros and cons of taking this shelf out. We determined that it wasn't going to be easy but ultimately worth it. She says, "we're going to need a jigsaw to get this thing out of here." And I reply with "hmm, I don't really know how a puzzle is going to help in this situation."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/o0anon0o
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2016
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Trying to help my dad put up shelving.

He says, "I cant use that stud finder. it goes off every time I go near it."

He couldn't be the only dad to ever use this one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/underthedock
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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While working retail tonight, I was wearing a bag we sell like a hat as I was walking around and shelving items...

Manager says "Take that off, you're going to rip it."

I respond: "Well if I do it will be on my head."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/footstepsfading
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
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Wrote a book about poltergeists

Pleased to say it is flying Off the shelves

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crocodiletasty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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The most successful business I ever had was selling free-range birds

My merchandise was flying off the shelves!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wondering-knight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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Dad said that I should sell birds...

...they always fly off the shelves!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bons_Silva
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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A book fell on his head
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πŸ‘€︎ u/journeyman369
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
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My uncle used to breed and sell parakeets...

they were flying off the shelves but he switched to chickens and they didn't take off. So he tried ducks and then it was all bills, bills, bills.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lineman5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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I told my first dad joke today.

I didn't even mean to make a dad joke, apparently after seven years of being a dad, it just starts to happen.

I was installing some shelves up on the walls over my computer desk. Having just finished marking the walls where I was going to insert the screws, I was now installing the brackets onto the boards.

From behind me, I heard my wife say, "How's it going?"

Me: "Well, it's shellfish."

Wife: "It's what?"

Me: "Shellfish. I'm still putting the mounting brackets on, so it's not a shelf yet. It's shelf-ish. Shellfish."

At least my daughter thought it was funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/odins_left_eye
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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(Mom joke, probably) Did you know they're selling women's underwear now that's designed to resist blood stains?

They've been on shelves for quite a while now, you probably just never never noticed.

They're hard to spot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/piscimancy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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Whenever I go to the supermarket with my dad...

He will do three things. Guaranteed.

  1. Pick up a bottle of milk and shake it, asking if we want milkshake.

  2. Go up to a young teenager stacking shelves and ask for whatever they're currently restocking on the shelves and watch as they scratch their heads and look around only to hold out the item with a dumb look on their face (which surprisingly happens almost every time)

  3. Will get a bottle of water from the shelf and hold it high with one hand and drop it, catch it with his other hand then say "did you see that?! It was a beautiful waterfall!!!"

Obviously a hearty dad-chuckle follows each of these actions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaureoTheOreo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
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Just happened at work.

Coworker was cutting slots into foam for different tools in the toolbox shelves. He was almost done when he realized he forgot the tape measure. When he went to find a place for it, he said it looks like it would be a tight fit. I looked at him and said "looks like you need to remeasure".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jwardell42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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At work, stocking bread

Then one of the loaves falls off and hits my boss. Me: "Sorry. That was an attack with a breadly weapon."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xibalba0130
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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My boss got my at work today.

I work in a grocery store. My boss was stocking some shelves near me with drinks. He looks over to me and says "Do you know what state has the smallest beverages?"

I naively respond with "no".

"Mini soda."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainRipp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
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Why don't vampires drive cargo vans?

There's van shelving inside.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dghughes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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Lowe's: A place for dads

At Lowe's volunteering my truck to move some lumber that a friend is using to make his girlfriend shelves. He and I are standing with the boards, distracting her kids while she settles up at the counter. Among the continuous babble from her youngest was "I'm thirsty." Simultaneously from three directions around him, my friend and I and a passing Lowe's employee:

"Hi thirsty, I'm Mike!" "Hi thirsty, I'm Dave!" "Hi thirsty, I'm Neil!"

We all shared a moment while mom shot us the most exhausted and disappointed look I've ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BubbaFeets
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2014
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Never saw my boss as a father figure until now.

I was stocking the shelves of the store, when a customers asked if we carry a certain brand of protein powder. I informed him we do not and he asked to see my boss who he complained to, afterwards my boss handed me the customer complaint form he'd filled out which read "Customer very upset that he didn't get his whey"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glitter_Cock
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2015
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I dadjoked my boss today. He didn't see it coming.

So I work retail and I was restocking shelves on a hardware isle with tools, doohickeys, and thingies. He was walking and talking with a new boss (training him and such) when they stopped at my isle. They didn't really notice me so it was perfect.

I picked up a stud finder and hit 'em with a classic!

"Hey guys check it out! It's a stud finder" Runs it over chest "Beep beep beep. Oh hey it's working!"

My boss had a few chuckles and the other guy said something about it being stupid but smiled anyways. Me? I was laughing my ass off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheUndeadKid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2014
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Dadjoke scares toys'r'us employees.

Today at the local toys'r'us with my SO and the kids. We approach two teenagers restocking the shelves from a pallet full of cardboard boxes. I hear one of them ask the other if she has seen the knife. The other says no, an I notice they're searching for it. As we pass i ask if "they're looking for one of them retractable knifes?"

Her: "Yes"

Me: "I think i saw a kid running around with it over there" *points with thumb over my shoulder

Her:...-...! *face turns white

My SO: I'm sorry he's joking. Arrrg! 2rgeir can't I take you anywhere?

Me: *snickering

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2rgeir
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2014
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Got dad joked at the bookstore where I work today

I work at a large retail bookstore, and my job is basically just to wander around and help people find what they're looking for. Yesterday I spotted an older gentleman looking lost, so I asked him if he needed help finding anything.

"Yeah, the new Dr. Seuss one, whatever it is."

So I led him to the kid's section where we have a whole display for What Pet Should I Get.

"This one's been really popular, as you can guess," I said as I grabbed one off the display for him. As I did so, a few of the books behind it toppled off the display and onto the ground.

"Yeah," he said, "I can see they're just flying off the shelves."

I laughed for a few minutes and he left with his book and the look of satisfaction that only comes from a top-tier dad joke.

Edit: Oops. Put 'today' in the title but it rly happened yesterday. Sorry! :x

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5lash3r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2015
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I work in a call centre...

Basically people ring in and complain about certain items they bought. This one guy rang in and was ranting about how disgusting his bananas were. The conversation went like this...

Him: Yea this is ridiculous, if I had've known when I bought them that they were this disgusting I'd never have got them at all

Me: Why, what exactly is wrong with them?

Him: They all black, and bruised. They look like they've been sitting on the shelves a while. They're horrible , they're just very...(3 second pause trying to think of the word to say)...very....

Me: Unapeeling?

Him: ... groan

Me: Sir?..

Call ended

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenLava95
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Grocery shopping, spring loaded

So I happen to be grocery shopping along with my dad in a Target store. Not much to pick up but two of the items we needed were thyme and milk. They happen to be within a few feet of each other in the same cooled location. We both see the thyme first, but I am the one who happens to grab it. I reach for the first one in a long line of cases of thyme and something must have happened where it was too tightly loaded in the spring rack so that when I grabbed the one, the spring shot and about five more flung out, some landing on the floor, some breaking open on the shelves. I see the mess made and, admittedly selfishly, said "Not my problem" and walked over the get the milk (2% organic for context). I grab the milk and walk back over to see my dad picking up the mess. I walk closer. I look at him, he looks at me and he ignites the funny bomb that was rummaging through his brain for the last 20 second waiting for me to arrive:

"Well, now you know how thyme flies."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaychuck_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my lady earlier at the grocery store.

We were shopping at our local grocery store. She is pretty short, and she needed to reach the sugar on one of the higher shelves.

She grabbed my arm to get my attention (mobile redditing,) and asked, "Can you reach up there and grab that sugar please?"

I looked up from my phone and said, "Which one is the 'sugar-please?'"

As I was reaching up to grab it she kicked me in the butt for how stupid it was. I stood proud.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
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My dad got me with a pun

We're remodeling the kitchen and my dad was putting the shelves in the cupboards. He came up to me with one of the shelves (which was made of wood) Dad: Feel this piece of wood right here. Me: Feels it Dad: You feeling bored today?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Satans_Salad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
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I found Bernie Sanders' brother...

I work selling home improvements supplies/ tools in a department store. My co-worker and I were putting new products on the shelves, and I happened to grab some power sanders, so I remarked to my co -worker that

I found Bernie Sanders' brother, DeWalt Sanders.

(DeWalt is a brand of hand and power tools.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seekerman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2016
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You hear about the latest book on poltergeists?

It's flying off the shelves.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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