Stocking Puns

They were preparing for a wurst käse scenario

They're just getting ready for a really shitty week

They’re free of charge !

If it carries on like this, I’m really going to start losing my Tempeh

And on the way back, my son and I tortillaed through three bags of family size Doritos.

We would have pointed fingers at one another, but they were already in our mouths. Sucky situation, I know.

I turned the car around and said, "Son, now our mission is snackfued."

Salty from our spell of bad luck, we licked our lips and hightailed it back to Walgreens. I sent a MSG to my wife to tell her about the crunch we were in.

Many of our guests had already arrived when we finally returned, holding up our carb-earned trophies.

It was then that my son's friend complimented our modest country estate: "Cool Ranch!"

...am I sockturnal?

Then one of the loaves falls off and hits my boss. Me: "Sorry. That was an attack with a breadly weapon."

"My hands are so cold I cant even feel them!"

I say

"HOW DO YA KNOW THEY ARE COLD, BUDDY?"

So I work at a grocery store. Last night I was refilling the milk case and one of the cute cashiers walks up to me and she said "Hey what are you doing?" in a sly tone. Without even a chance to blink while standing there with a gallon of milk in each hand I replied "Handling a pair of large jugs" She laughed, I laughed, the older lady standing near us looked offended... good times!

My coworker hollered "uh oh!"

I responded with a boisterous "YAM IT!"

Because that would be in cider trading

or when he shows up immediately? an insta-gator

and if he's well-dressed? and in-vest-gator

https://imgur.com/gallery/o6IZNXX

We weren't taking shit from anyone that day

Things are really getting out of hand...

I want to be a bouillonaire.

Jesus!

I hope to become a bouillionaire!

My accountant said it would be a sound investment.

He became a bouillon-naire

Now that’s humerus

One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire!

They asked me to please Hold. 💎🤲

He goes by Darth Trader

But most people called it a laughing stock

Green Day!

I just wanted some company.

I told him it would be a sound investment.

I walked in and stole some guy's Rolex.

I guess I have to keep holding it.

Investigator

Little did she know that I immediately bought stocks just to have some company.

But now I have bullions!

but hindsight isn't 2021.

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

What an Oxo moron

They are preparing for a wurst käse scenario.

Business has been Brisk, baby!

It's the Wurst-käse-scenario

Would you like a few shares of my hedge fund?

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I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.

He loves Tibet.

It was the count of Monty’s Crisco.

It's the Wurst Käse scenario.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

Laughing stock

Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

The Wurst Käse scenario has arrived.