While the rest of the world were stocking up on toiletpaper, the germans were stocking up on sausages and cheese

They were preparing for a wurst kΓ€se scenario

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nword55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't mind people stocking up on toilet paper...

They're just getting ready for a really shitty week

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiserEnoch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
This Corona Virus pandemic has caused my local shop to start stocking dead batteries

They’re free of charge !

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeheeofficial
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
It was annoying when our local shop stopped stocking my favourite almond milk. It was even more frustrating when the tofu was removed as well.

If it carries on like this, I’m really going to start losing my Tempeh

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Fishnet Stockings
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buck_Thorn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I filled my stocking with pistachios so that I can open it up on Christmas morning and say "Aww, nuts!"
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsdrivingmenuts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Punny candy I got in my stocking imgur.com/NqOwZIm
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Missa_doodikins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
🚨︎ report
My son and I were stocking up for the Christmas party at our new rural home...

And on the way back, my son and I tortillaed through three bags of family size Doritos.

We would have pointed fingers at one another, but they were already in our mouths. Sucky situation, I know.

I turned the car around and said, "Son, now our mission is snackfued."

Salty from our spell of bad luck, we licked our lips and hightailed it back to Walgreens. I sent a MSG to my wife to tell her about the crunch we were in.

Many of our guests had already arrived when we finally returned, holding up our carb-earned trophies.

It was then that my son's friend complimented our modest country estate: "Cool Ranch!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuenaPisteada
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
🚨︎ report
If I wear stockings to bed at night...

...am I sockturnal?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
🚨︎ report
At work, stocking bread

Then one of the loaves falls off and hits my boss. Me: "Sorry. That was an attack with a breadly weapon."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xibalba0130
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
🚨︎ report
I work at a restaurant and my coworker was complaining about stocking carrots from some cold water into his station.

"My hands are so cold I cant even feel them!"

I say

"HOW DO YA KNOW THEY ARE COLD, BUDDY?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boson707
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Stocking the milk.

So I work at a grocery store. Last night I was refilling the milk case and one of the cute cashiers walks up to me and she said "Hey what are you doing?" in a sly tone. Without even a chance to blink while standing there with a gallon of milk in each hand I replied "Handling a pair of large jugs" She laughed, I laughed, the older lady standing near us looked offended... good times!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morphik08
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2016
🚨︎ report
I dropped a bunch of canned sweet potatoes before the store opened today while stocking shelves;

My coworker hollered "uh oh!"

I responded with a boisterous "YAM IT!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miriahification
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
🚨︎ report
It’s illegal to sell stocks from inside a bath of sparkling apple juice

Because that would be in cider trading

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/canyuse
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
what do you call a reptile with a stock portfolio? an invested-gator

or when he shows up immediately? an insta-gator

and if he's well-dressed? and in-vest-gator

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/storm-the-castle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I should have bought stock in lumber, but hindsight is 2020

https://imgur.com/gallery/o6IZNXX

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grinch_1977
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
My dad took me down to a garden centre to buy manure but they were out of stock.

We weren't taking shit from anyone that day

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coralthesequel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
The prosthetics store down the street ran out of stock...

Things are really getting out of hand...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vin135mm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
If Dollar Tree stocked "golden calf" figurines, it might be renamed "I Dollar Tree."
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks

I want to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 382
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndbreakfastfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend asked why the stock market is closed this Friday. I looked at him, shook my head and said...

Jesus!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
I I couldn’t get $GME so I got CHKN, BEEF, and VGTBL stock instead.

I hope to become a bouillionaire!

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sethibro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
I purchased $1000 in Bose stock today

My accountant said it would be a sound investment.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B3A5TxM0DE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the chef who invested in stocks?

He became a bouillon-naire

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock

Now that’s humerus

πŸ‘︎ 641
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dooniel5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I've started investing in stocks: beef, chicken and vegetable

One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire!

πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I just called GameStop Customer Service...

They asked me to please Hold. πŸ’ŽπŸ€²

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myfourthuser04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Ever since the Death Star blew up, Anakin has taken to the NY Stock Exchange

He goes by Darth Trader

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
I wanted to get some stock for this comedy studio

But most people called it a laughing stock

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SimilarThought9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
What’s a stock traders favorite band?

Green Day!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flashbangthunder2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
I was feeling lonely so I bought shares of GameStop stock.

I just wanted some company.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine told me he was looking to buy stock in Bose.

I told him it would be a sound investment.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryguy2797
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
I made a FORTUNE in the stock market.

I walked in and stole some guy's Rolex.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...

I guess I have to keep holding it.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone from Florida with lots of teeth who likes to spend money on the stock market?

Investigator

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend thought I'd be lonely after she broke up with me,

Little did she know that I immediately bought stocks just to have some company.

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hridaygandhi
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
They told me not to invest in the stock market..

But now I have bullions!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
I should have bought GameStop stocks

but hindsight isn't 2021.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlaiSketch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
We grew up SO POOR I drank Nurse Pepper...

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_YOUR_BLOOMERS
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
I've got a friend who reckons he can make high cuisine out of stock cubes.

What an Oxo moron

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to COVID-19, the German government is advising that people stock up on sausages and cheese.

They are preparing for a wurst kΓ€se scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerFluff27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend opened a tea store. He told me that every time he stocks the bottled tea products, they sell out within hours...

Business has been Brisk, baby!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s tons of liquidity in this market
πŸ‘︎ 379
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.

It's the Wurst-kΓ€se-scenario

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JFCBrouwer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
These stock photo pun memes are the worstπŸ˜€πŸ˜€
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hilloviikot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm raising money for a new row of shrubs by selling stock...

Would you like a few shares of my hedge fund?

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
More stock photo puns from this silly siteπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ Is that the girl from distracted boyfriend?

[ Removed by reddit in response to a copyright notice. ]

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hilloviikot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm closely watching how this contested election affects the volatility of the stock markets.

I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickShaw530
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the Dalai Lama love to play the stock market?

He loves Tibet.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Since this is a β€œNana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a β€œba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a β€œbanana” on the counter.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaceyGayGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, our boss Monty asked us to check the stock of vegetable shortening.

It was the count of Monty’s Crisco.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
In Germany this weekend they have been preparing for the crisis by stocking up on sausages and cheese.

It's the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_made_of_jam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Judge-Bredd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you boil funny bones?

Laughing stock

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quantity_Weary
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
I've started investing in stocks...

Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IDontCare320
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Germany is now advising its citizens to stock up on cheese and sausages.

The Wurst KΓ€se scenario has arrived.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes laughing stock. Now that's humerous.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASMRMajor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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