While the rest of the world were stocking up on toiletpaper, the germans were stocking up on sausages and cheese

They were preparing for a wurst kΓ€se scenario

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nword55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
In Germany this weekend they have been preparing for the crisis by stocking up on sausages and cheese.

It's the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_made_of_jam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't mind people stocking up on toilet paper...

They're just getting ready for a really shitty week

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MiserEnoch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
This Corona Virus pandemic has caused my local shop to start stocking dead batteries

They’re free of charge !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeheeofficial
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
It was annoying when our local shop stopped stocking my favourite almond milk. It was even more frustrating when the tofu was removed as well.

If it carries on like this, I’m really going to start losing my Tempeh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Fishnet Stockings
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buck_Thorn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I filled my stocking with pistachios so that I can open it up on Christmas morning and say "Aww, nuts!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsdrivingmenuts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
🚨︎ report
My son and I were stocking up for the Christmas party at our new rural home...

And on the way back, my son and I tortillaed through three bags of family size Doritos.

We would have pointed fingers at one another, but they were already in our mouths. Sucky situation, I know.

I turned the car around and said, "Son, now our mission is snackfued."

Salty from our spell of bad luck, we licked our lips and hightailed it back to Walgreens. I sent a MSG to my wife to tell her about the crunch we were in.

Many of our guests had already arrived when we finally returned, holding up our carb-earned trophies.

It was then that my son's friend complimented our modest country estate: "Cool Ranch!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuenaPisteada
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Punny candy I got in my stocking imgur.com/NqOwZIm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Missa_doodikins
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
🚨︎ report
If I wear stockings to bed at night...

...am I sockturnal?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
🚨︎ report
At work, stocking bread

Then one of the loaves falls off and hits my boss. Me: "Sorry. That was an attack with a breadly weapon."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xibalba0130
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
🚨︎ report
I work at a restaurant and my coworker was complaining about stocking carrots from some cold water into his station.

"My hands are so cold I cant even feel them!"

I say

"HOW DO YA KNOW THEY ARE COLD, BUDDY?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boson707
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Stocking the milk.

So I work at a grocery store. Last night I was refilling the milk case and one of the cute cashiers walks up to me and she said "Hey what are you doing?" in a sly tone. Without even a chance to blink while standing there with a gallon of milk in each hand I replied "Handling a pair of large jugs" She laughed, I laughed, the older lady standing near us looked offended... good times!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morphik08
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2016
🚨︎ report
I dropped a bunch of canned sweet potatoes before the store opened today while stocking shelves;

My coworker hollered "uh oh!"

I responded with a boisterous "YAM IT!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miriahification
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
🚨︎ report
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks

I want to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 378
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndbreakfastfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I've started investing in stocks: beef, chicken and vegetable

One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire!

πŸ‘︎ 169
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock

Now that’s humerus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dooniel5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Stock on
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got a friend who reckons he can make high cuisine out of stock cubes.

What an Oxo moron

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend opened a tea store. He told me that every time he stocks the bottled tea products, they sell out within hours...

Business has been Brisk, baby!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to COVID-19, the German government is advising that people stock up on sausages and cheese.

They are preparing for a wurst kΓ€se scenario.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerFluff27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The German government is calling for everybody to stock up on sausage and cheese in case of a second lockdown.

It's the Wurst-kΓ€se-scenario

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JFCBrouwer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Germany is now advising its citizens to stock up on cheese and sausages.

The Wurst KΓ€se scenario has arrived.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm closely watching how this contested election affects the volatility of the stock markets.

I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickShaw530
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift

So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tazzles26
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they sell red wine reduction in stock pots?

Because doing it yourself is a paste of wine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joe4nna
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the Dalai Lama love to play the stock market?

He loves Tibet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, our boss Monty asked us to check the stock of vegetable shortening.

It was the count of Monty’s Crisco.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
These stock photo pun memes are the worstπŸ˜€πŸ˜€
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hilloviikot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I just wish, that I had made early investments in hand sanitizer, on the Stock Markets..

.. Somebody, somewhere, is rubbing their hands together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm raising money for a new row of shrubs by selling stock...

Would you like a few shares of my hedge fund?

πŸ‘︎ 166
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.

I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
More stock photo puns from this silly siteπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ Is that the girl from distracted boyfriend?
πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hilloviikot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Since this is a β€œNana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a β€œba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a β€œbanana” on the counter.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaceyGayGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve bought my girlfriend a wooden leg for Christmas.

It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The stock market is confusing for me but

It makes cents for someone else

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdangwangpang
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Should I stock up on eggs before the next shut down?

I am having an eggs essential crisis.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konebred
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when you boil a funny bone?

It turns into a laughing stock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScatteredPayback
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I got really good writing stock characters. My secret?

A typewriter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Coronavirus having a devastating impact on the stock market
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falafel_hotdog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid is an amputee. For xmas I got her a new prosthetic leg

It's just a stocking filler

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishslap
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweepi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my daughter if she wanted to go to the store with me. She said β€œI’m good.”

I said β€œAt what?”

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blkfx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes laughing stock. Now that's humerous.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASMRMajor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Danny DeVito sell all of his stocks?

Turns out he's a short seller.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkelschleifer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.

My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superj89
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Germany is now requiring people to stock up cheese and sausages due to COVID-19.

This is called the Wurst-KΓ€se Scenario.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
(trigger warning)

︻╦╀──

Stock and barrel too

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the store to buy chicken broth...

but they said they were out of stock.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.

...that's humerus.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought some stocks from vegetable companies.

It didn’t turnip well.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 129
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Judge-Bredd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I've started investing in stocks...

Mostly beef, chicken, and vegetable.

One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IDontCare320
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweepi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock

That’s humerus.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PositivityPhD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report

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