Next time your wife is angry, give her a towel as cape.

Then say : now you are super angry! She might laugh.. you might die.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bartl74
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Most people think the name Dracula cough comes from the way dracula would hold his Cape in front of his face

In reality it's because he is an expert in coffin

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just seen a bloke running down the road with a cape on. I shouted, "Are you a superhero?"

He said, "No. I haven't paid for my haircut!"

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was naggy with me until I tied a towl round her neck like a cape.

Now she's super naggy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I had an argument with a cape, but I managed to put it behind me.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad bought me the ultimate dad joke mug while in Cape Cod imgur.com/sam3Y0g
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/diltay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
🚨︎ report
Cape Cod
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashalot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
🚨︎ report
steaks
πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kalifo_yt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
No escape from reality
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, ...

an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub...

The doorman stops the

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chainz4Dayz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can nobody catch Superman?

Because he always has a great "S" cape.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What's red, black and terrifies women?

Me, in my lucky red and black cape.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mex5150
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this on insta knew I had to post it here πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My sister may be a single mother but she had an amazing dad joke..

She was giving my niece (3) and nephew (6) a bath. When they were done, the kids used their towels as capes and were running around naked yelling 'we are super heroes!!' My sister responded with, 'I don't think think there are any naked superheroes... Except maybe The Flash.'

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do Heroes shop?

The Super-Market.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Braddinator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I always wanted to be a superhero

But I don’t know ifοΏΌ I have the cape abilityοΏΌ.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paullyfitz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
When they ask if I'd like the soup or salad

I reply, "Yes, I'd love the super salad!"

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/philsown
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
🚨︎ report
TIL: There’s a long lost episode where Superman nearly dies because of an ill-fitting costume.

He had a narrow S cape.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
In one lost episode, Superman almost dies because he was wearing the wrong sized cloak.

He had a narrow S cape.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Our Hero

Our hero is rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.

Our hero lives in Marree, South Australia. He hears about a job opportunity in Darwin, so goes to his car to drive the 3,100 ks to Darwin. One problem, his car won't start.

This is no problem for our hero, because he's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.

He walks to Darwin.

When he gets there, the bosses love him, and offer him the job on the spot.

"One problem," they say "The job is in Cape Town, and all air traffic has been halted because of the cyclones"

No problem for our hero. He's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.

Our hero gets on the boat to travel the 11,000 ks to Cape Town.

Not far into the journey, the boat hits a storm and capsizes. No problems for our hero, he's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.

He starts swimming.

In the open ocean, a container ship spots him, and offers to help.

"One problem," the captain says over the loud speaker, "There's no rope".

No problem for our hero, he's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.

He scales the side of the ship bare-handed.

A few days later, they're attacked by pirates. One problem, he's unarmed and outnumbered

No problem for our hero as he is rough, he is tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.

Our hero valiantly defends himself, gets some weapons, and is defending the bridge from all attackers.

He fights off the captain of the pirates, and deals him a mortal blow. One problem, the captain in his death throws, pushes our hero off the bridge, and he plummets towards the deck.

No problem for our hero as he's rough, he's tough, he's made of mighty stuff, and he's been through many hardships.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoglaTheGrate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Super tired today...

That's like being tired, but with a cape.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/istrebitjel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Right place, right time

We were in a cafe in the little town of Sandwich, Cape Cod while we were on our vacation. I waited for my order and my dad was already drinking his coffee and enjoying his bagel when he looked up and said:

> Dad: I think your order is nearly ready, it smells like sandwich. >
> Me: Well, the whole town smells like sandwich.

He actually laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealJoL
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
🚨︎ report
She's a keeper

My girlfriend and I were arguing this morning.

The kind of argument where only one of us is upset and the other thinks its hilarious.

To taunt me, she asked "How mad are you"?

I tried being tough when I replied "soooo mad right now".

With a grin she asks "like super mad"?

Not seeing the trap before me I respond "Yes, I am super mad"!

This backfired horribly as she proceeded to take the towel on her head and tie it around her neck as a cape. Then she ran circles in the kitchen with her arms extended, pretending to fly yelling "You're a bird! You're a plane! Youuuuuuuu're SUPER MAAAD!"

Pretty sure she forgot I was even there.

She wins this round.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tbey52
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Top notch material at the Rusty Nail bar

On vacation in Cape May in New Jersey, and there is a bar called the Rusty Nail. Conversation went like this: Me: "Oh look the Rusty Nail" Dad: "Yeah let's go get HAMMERED at the Rusty Nail!" Heard the sighs from inside the bar.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tylera102
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
🚨︎ report
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran

An Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a bar..

The doorman stops them and says sorry I can’t let you in without a T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frase32
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A bar joke for y'all

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean

All go to a bar

The doorm

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zarni1410
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
An Afghan...

...an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Jap, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.