Ness Puns

Hi Penis, I’m Dad.

>!Because it's a lochturnal creature!<

Tennessee

May not be Nessie-ssary, but Beast of Loch to you!

My daughter who was helping, added some peas, ‘for pea-ness’ she said. Then fled laughing.

I recently got a new pair of kicks and showed them to my mom. She seemed unimpressed at first. I noted, "They have a certain shoey-ness about them".

She: "A certain shoe ne sais quoi"

Possibly the best dad-joke I've ever heard...

The Loch Ness Muenster.

A hempire.

it's a sic-ness

They called him the Loch Ness Mobster.

He loved the buzz.

I was coming around a corner and almost bumped my cart into his

Me: Oh I'm sorry, excuse me, sir!

Him: It's okay, I have cart insurance!

I was typing something about abortion and I accidentally started to misspell it.

My Phone: "Did you mean "antilabor"?

Me: "Well... yeah..."

Friend of mine is going to be driving a bus around Australia, decked out motor home style. What are your best bus puns for a name?

I've always wanted to be in big bris-ness.

They call it the Sock Ness Monster

Fit'ness donut in my mouth

One is a Loch Ness

The other is "Knock less"

Fit’ness pizza in my mouth

However, it was still shelf-ish.

Loch Ness Mobster

I (f) took a risk by showing my dad-ness to a guy I've gone on a few dates with. I'd say it went well.

Scene: In line at the grocery store.

Me: Those are nice shoes!

Him: Thanks, I like them but the soles came off pretty early.

Me: So, what you're saying is they're the devil's shoes?

Him: ...

Me: ...because they're sole-less.

I laughed, he rolled his eyes, and I got a bonus sigh from the lady in front of us.

"Oh my gourd-ness!"

Just thought of this as I anticipate my impending fatherhood. My high school students did not approve. Silly kids.

EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.

It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.

Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.

Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.

Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.

We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.

Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?

My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.

But that's not why I come here.

I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face

So i made a pit stop at ol' GC to kill off a gift card from Xmas.

I needed one of those little plastic egg shakers (musicians will know) and some drum sticks. The two gentlemen were very rad & we stood around shootin' the shit for a bit.

Then the one who had my plastic shaker in his hand went to exhibit its shaker-y-ness only for it to fly out of his hands (on accident of course) and nail me in the chest.

The other gentleman responded with "That's not what he meant by drum throne!"

I swear I heard angels singing as they descended down a badly played Stairway to Heaven.

"Must've died from an eel-ness"

So I went into the kitchen to grab a pear to eat, my dad asks me "are you getting a pear?" My response: "A pair of what?" My dad was quite impressed with the dad-ness of my joke =D

http://i.imgur.com/yDh3MSW.jpg

I feel the basic meme-ness of this contributed to the overall feeling of a dad joke

I just discovered /r/dadjokes a couple days ago, but my latent dad-ness has surfaced full force. Just take a look!