The LOOK Ness Monster
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alive-Jelly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Glock Ness Monster
πŸ‘︎ 455
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiverLife
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Glock Ness Monster
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastGhost18
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Say Eye, Spell Map, Say Ness

Hi Penis, I’m Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/littlelordgenius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The Rock ness monster
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rnbw_pwny
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why has the loch ness monster never been seen in daylight?

>!Because it's a lochturnal creature!<

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kiepye17
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PVTPistol
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
🚨︎ report
In 1935, an American went out on a quest to discover the Loch Ness monsters. He found that according to legend, there were at least 10 in existence. Instead of trying Scotland, he believed the US might have these lake monsters. In which state did he begin his quest?

Tennessee

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TITANofATHENS
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I hear you're hunting the Loch Ness monster.

May not be Nessie-ssary, but Beast of Loch to you!

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Real life dad joke. Yesterday I was cooking a stir fry and added some diced carrots β€˜for carrot-ness’, I said.

My daughter who was helping, added some peas, β€˜for pea-ness’ she said. Then fled laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Hello dark ness my old friend imgur.com/a/yKZgv
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PAnomad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
🚨︎ report
How is Loch Ness Monster like Kesha?

He woke up in the mornin feelin like Tree-Fiddy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Renormalizer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My mom on the shoey-ness of my new shoes

I recently got a new pair of kicks and showed them to my mom. She seemed unimpressed at first. I noted, "They have a certain shoey-ness about them".

She: "A certain shoe ne sais quoi"

Possibly the best dad-joke I've ever heard...

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kelaab
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Dress in pink last Friday for breast cancer. Adorn purple tomorrow for domestic abuse. I think we're taking this a wear-ness too literally.

Wanted to put on fbook but someone would think I hate women.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zatch17
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Joke I made to my gamer buddy.

Friend: -Sighs-

Me: -AGGRESSIVELY LOUD SIIIIIIIIIIIGH-

Friend: "The heck was that?"

Me: "I heard you were sighin', so I thought I'd join you and go super sighin.

(Dragonball Z joke with Saiyans)

Background to this joke: Took me years to get the perfect setup for this joke. Needed a bunch of friends present for maximum groans/laughs, needed to remember to do it, and needed friend to sigh and follow up to my ridiculous-ness. It was one of my most satisfying jokes I've told.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stuff_rulz
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What is made of cheese and found in Scotland?

The Loch Ness Muenster.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a successful chain of hemp-based product stores?

A hempire.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/faxmeapancake
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't like to spell correctly

it's a sic-ness

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaehrimnirKiller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend was addicted to bees

He loved the buzz.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/homologize
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Uh-Oh! Someone has a case of the Mondays!
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whatsthatbutt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know Al Capone had a cousin in Scotland?

They called him the Loch Ness Mobster.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeoDashie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my phone is a dad...

I was typing something about abortion and I accidentally started to misspell it.

My Phone: "Did you mean "antilabor"?

Me: "Well... yeah..."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anix421
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Bus puns?

Friend of mine is going to be driving a bus around Australia, decked out motor home style. What are your best bus puns for a name?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/newybrewy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
🚨︎ report
I am going to start a company specializing in circumcisions for the well endowed.

I've always wanted to be in big bris-ness.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LouGubrius
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard that there's a Scottish version of sock monsters

They call it the Sock Ness Monster

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NairodI
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
As a 300 pound Male, I often have to tell my hobbies to my dates....so I tell them fitness...

Fit'ness donut in my mouth

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amin45666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between my philosophy on Jehovah's witnesses and a Scottish monster.

One is a Loch Ness

The other is "Knock less"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
A lobster's IKEA order didn't look quite right.

However, it was still shelf-ish.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ultimadark
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I may be overweight, but I care about fitness

Fit’ness pizza in my mouth

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dipdipbeantot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mafia member that hangs around a certain Scottish body of water?

Loch Ness Mobster

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HHStorm21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Got a solid eyeroll with this one.

I (f) took a risk by showing my dad-ness to a guy I've gone on a few dates with. I'd say it went well.

Scene: In line at the grocery store.

Me: Those are nice shoes!

Him: Thanks, I like them but the soles came off pretty early.

Me: So, what you're saying is they're the devil's shoes?

Him: ...

Me: ...because they're sole-less.

I laughed, he rolled his eyes, and I got a bonus sigh from the lady in front of us.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2016
🚨︎ report
[META] A plea for real dad jokes.

EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.

It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.

Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.

Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.

Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.

We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.

Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?

My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.

But that's not why I come here.

I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlapYourHands
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
🚨︎ report
What did the pumpkin say when ur was surprised?

"Oh my gourd-ness!"

Just thought of this as I anticipate my impending fatherhood. My high school students did not approve. Silly kids.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adedward
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Got dad joked at Guitar Center and it was beautiful!

So i made a pit stop at ol' GC to kill off a gift card from Xmas.

I needed one of those little plastic egg shakers (musicians will know) and some drum sticks. The two gentlemen were very rad & we stood around shootin' the shit for a bit.

Then the one who had my plastic shaker in his hand went to exhibit its shaker-y-ness only for it to fly out of his hands (on accident of course) and nail me in the chest.

The other gentleman responded with "That's not what he meant by drum throne!"

I swear I heard angels singing as they descended down a badly played Stairway to Heaven.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/George_F4YF
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
🚨︎ report
A dad joke I pulled...on my own dad!

So I went into the kitchen to grab a pear to eat, my dad asks me "are you getting a pear?" My response: "A pair of what?" My dad was quite impressed with the dad-ness of my joke =D

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plastic_soda
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2013
🚨︎ report
The world's oldest eel died today

"Must've died from an eel-ness"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boopbird
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad just texted this to me

http://i.imgur.com/yDh3MSW.jpg

I feel the basic meme-ness of this contributed to the overall feeling of a dad joke

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/irrelevant_gnome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Just Roll with it....

I just discovered /r/dadjokes a couple days ago, but my latent dad-ness has surfaced full force. Just take a look!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crepusculi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.