Why does the misogynist hate Sense and Sensibility?

Because it was written By A Lady

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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not a dad but got all my comedic sensibilities from one

i work at a liquor store. i was stabbing the plastic top of a case of tall boys open with a boxcutter (with GUSTO & PANACHE) and one of my regulars came in , saw me, and asked

"jeez, what are you tryna do, kill em?" & i said without hesitation

"well you cant drink them while theyre still alive,"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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A sensible pun

I was sitting on a bench cuddling a cat after the end of school. Suddenly, an old man with sunglasses encountered me and made a pun.

Here's the conversation:

  • When will the Japanese say "GΓΌnaydΔ±n"? (means good morning in Turkish)
  • Dunno when?
  • When they learn Turkish...
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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My Dad: Can you tell me a sensible sentence that uses the word 'because', three times, consecutively?

Me: Not today, Dad.

My Dad: Give up. Let me tell you in his glorious beaming pride face

I use because, because, because is a conjunction.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/yours_petpeeve
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I have big dreams about doing electrical work around the house, but my wife is the sensible one

She keeps me grounded.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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What do call a happy cowboy?

A jolly rancher.

πŸ‘︎ 388
πŸ‘€︎ u/OriginalCWP
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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Gave me a sensible chuckle
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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I asked my wife if she wanted to get pregnant. She said β€œare you kidding me?!”

I said β€œhopefully”

πŸ‘︎ 390
πŸ‘€︎ u/ebowers2607
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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A can of alphabet soup goes to see the doctor.

He complains about having stomach problems. The doctor asks, "When was your last vowel movement?"

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ‘€︎ u/JinglesRasco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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I've gone without booze for a week.

It's been a sobering experience.

πŸ‘︎ 869
πŸ‘€︎ u/NonDripRises
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2014
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What's the worst thing about getting hit in the face with a pi?

It never ends

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimmy__Thunder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
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Dadjoked my girlfriend on the way to see the band Phish last night.

And this is how the conversation went,

Her: "I really like to discuss politics, I wish you did too."

Me: "I do like to discuss them. I just don't like arguing like you do."

Her: "I don't like to argue, I like debate."

Me: "Yeah, well, so do fish."

We both sensibly chuckled.

πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ‘€︎ u/Federer45
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2014
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Dad joked my mum at the supermarket

I was grocery shopping with my parents today and my mum asked me to run and get her skim milk. So I went to the aisle and grabbed the carton that wasn't full cream milk (I wasn't really paying much attention). When I came back she looked at me and said "myknees, this is half-skimmed milk. Isn't there anymore skim milk?"

I then replied to her "Oh, I must have skimmed right past it."

She let out a long sigh and told me to get the milk while I had a sensible chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ‘€︎ u/myknees
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
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Any League of Legends players out there?

I got into an ARAM game the other day. For those of you who do not know there are characters, or champions, you pick in the game. ARAM is a game-mode in League of Legends where the computer gives you a random character out of the 130+ champions, or so. I am not good at all the champions... not even close! So a way to balance this out the game allows you to trade champions with the other people on your team.

So in this game there is a champion called Fizz which I am not good with at all, which I randomly got... and this is what happened inside the pre-game chat:

Me: Oh shoot.

Me: Can anyone trade me?

--Someone trades me their champion--

Me: Thank you! I am so bad with this little guy that you can say I am... Fizzically challenged.

From a game lobby where I was the only one who used chat, it exploded to people typing their moaning and groaning, sensible chuckles, and hearty "LOLs".

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/BearZeBubus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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My dad had a stroke of accidental genius

It's Ramadan right now (fasting month for muslims) and I was talking to my dad when he told me that it's the last day.

I said, "Can't believe it's the last day already."

And he says, "Yeah, it's so fast!"

He didn't realize he made a joke at first, but after that, we shared a sensible chuckle and a high five.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
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Dad joked my dad this morning

Major League Baseball fans will get this one.

We stayed at a hotel last night. This morning my dad was putting on his Craig Kimbrel t-shirt. He looked at me when I was wearing my Andrelton Simmons t-shirt.

Dad: "Sorry SigilOfStark, looks like we're twins today."

Me: "No, Dad. We're Braves."

I got a sensible chuckle from him and a well-deserved groan from my mom.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/SigilOfStark
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
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Double the dadjokes

My girlfriend was rwading about psychology and asked "What's a paradigm?"

I told her "20 cents"

We had a sensible chuckle and then I turned to my dad and said "dad what's a paradigm?" and he said "20 cents of course!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/IHeartPallets
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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