Because it was written By A Lady
i work at a liquor store. i was stabbing the plastic top of a case of tall boys open with a boxcutter (with GUSTO & PANACHE) and one of my regulars came in , saw me, and asked
"jeez, what are you tryna do, kill em?" & i said without hesitation
"well you cant drink them while theyre still alive,"
I was sitting on a bench cuddling a cat after the end of school. Suddenly, an old man with sunglasses encountered me and made a pun.
Here's the conversation:
- When will the Japanese say "GΓΌnaydΔ±n"? (means good morning in Turkish)
- Dunno when?
- When they learn Turkish...
Me: Not today, Dad.
My Dad: Give up. Let me tell you in his glorious beaming pride face
I use because, because, because is a conjunction.
She keeps me grounded.
A jolly rancher.
I said βhopefullyβ
He complains about having stomach problems. The doctor asks, "When was your last vowel movement?"
It's been a sobering experience.
It never ends
And this is how the conversation went,
Her: "I really like to discuss politics, I wish you did too."
Me: "I do like to discuss them. I just don't like arguing like you do."
Her: "I don't like to argue, I like debate."
Me: "Yeah, well, so do fish."
We both sensibly chuckled.
I was grocery shopping with my parents today and my mum asked me to run and get her skim milk. So I went to the aisle and grabbed the carton that wasn't full cream milk (I wasn't really paying much attention). When I came back she looked at me and said "myknees, this is half-skimmed milk. Isn't there anymore skim milk?"
I then replied to her "Oh, I must have skimmed right past it."
She let out a long sigh and told me to get the milk while I had a sensible chuckle.
I got into an ARAM game the other day. For those of you who do not know there are characters, or champions, you pick in the game. ARAM is a game-mode in League of Legends where the computer gives you a random character out of the 130+ champions, or so. I am not good at all the champions... not even close! So a way to balance this out the game allows you to trade champions with the other people on your team.
So in this game there is a champion called Fizz which I am not good with at all, which I randomly got... and this is what happened inside the pre-game chat:
Me: Oh shoot.
Me: Can anyone trade me?
--Someone trades me their champion--
Me: Thank you! I am so bad with this little guy that you can say I am... Fizzically challenged.
From a game lobby where I was the only one who used chat, it exploded to people typing their moaning and groaning, sensible chuckles, and hearty "LOLs".
It's Ramadan right now (fasting month for muslims) and I was talking to my dad when he told me that it's the last day.
I said, "Can't believe it's the last day already."
And he says, "Yeah, it's so fast!"
He didn't realize he made a joke at first, but after that, we shared a sensible chuckle and a high five.
Major League Baseball fans will get this one.
We stayed at a hotel last night. This morning my dad was putting on his Craig Kimbrel t-shirt. He looked at me when I was wearing my Andrelton Simmons t-shirt.
Dad: "Sorry SigilOfStark, looks like we're twins today."
Me: "No, Dad. We're Braves."
I got a sensible chuckle from him and a well-deserved groan from my mom.
My girlfriend was rwading about psychology and asked "What's a paradigm?"
I told her "20 cents"
We had a sensible chuckle and then I turned to my dad and said "dad what's a paradigm?" and he said "20 cents of course!"
