What did the dad artichoke tell his children?

A heartfelt artijoke.

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📅︎ Dec 11 2020
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He later choked while eating his artichoke.
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📅︎ Jun 10 2019
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What type of writing makes everyone laugh?

arTICKLE

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📅︎ Sep 24 2020
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Which vegetable is best to strangle an artist with?

An artichoke.

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📅︎ Apr 28 2020
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My daughter caught me reading one of those coupon newsletters they send from the local grocery store...

Her: "Why are you reading junk mail?"

Me: "It's not, they have real news in here too."

Her: "No they don't...."

Me: "They sure do. I was just reading about a hitman who killed 3 people. He must not have liked them much, because he did it for only $1."

Her: "Nuh-uh, you're totally lying!"

Me: "Nope, looks like the hitman was named was Arty. He choked them to death apparently. "

Her: "Let me see..."

So I showed her the section I was reading:

ARTICHOKES 3 FOR $1

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👤︎ u/Tjohn184
📅︎ Aug 29 2019
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At the pizzaria I ate way too big chunks off my capricciosa..

I almost artichoked.

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📅︎ Aug 11 2019
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Today, my daughter stole my heart...

it's ok though, its my least favorite part of the artichoke

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📅︎ May 12 2019
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The carrot died from asphyxiation...

It got artichoked to death

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👤︎ u/gaviols
📅︎ Apr 09 2019
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Step aside...
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📅︎ May 01 2013
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What do vegan zombies eat?

Graaaaaaiiiiinnnssss.....

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📅︎ Mar 11 2015
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What do you call a vegetable necklace?

an artichoker

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👤︎ u/oreimostar
📅︎ Oct 23 2018
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You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun

as you artichoke.

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📅︎ Feb 02 2018
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Help me think of punny names for a team!

We are a singing group and we need a team name related to Valentine's Day. Gimme your best punny team name that involves love or singing or both!

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📅︎ Feb 01 2014
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You know there's a vegetable which is almost impossible to get stuck in your throat?

Yeah, it's really artichoke.

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👤︎ u/EpicPunz
📅︎ Jun 04 2017
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This conversation between my (ex)gf.

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/Zokoro
📅︎ Apr 02 2017
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What do you call an artist who strangles people?

An artichoke.

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👤︎ u/Pizzoots
📅︎ Nov 24 2016
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my mom has the worst jokes

If an onion makes you cry what makes you laugh?

An artijoke (artichoke)

Did you hear about the guy who had an accident in the upholstery machine?

He's okay now after his recovery

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👤︎ u/psymonp
📅︎ Oct 10 2015
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Every time we have a family gathering my dad says this...

Dinner time and artichokes are on the table.... Me: what are these things Dad: artichokes Me:why are they called artichokes? Dad:well they may choke ardy but they ain't choke me!

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👤︎ u/Bry2013
📅︎ Jun 02 2014
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