“I’m a turtle,” he says. “Oh... who’s on your back?” “That’s Michelle,” he replies.
... so they can beat the crowds!
Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)
11.45 : arrived at crime scene
11.45 : Examined body. Signs of struggle
11.45 : Found murder weapon in drain
11.45 : Realised watch was broken
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My son: but this is not a dad joke.
Me : what is a day joke then?
My son : when the joke becomes a(p)parent.
Justin time. (Got it from that tracer voiceline)
Amazon Prime
Because there’s no place like ohm.
About Tennish
They like to beat the crowd!!!!
Because everyone knows the first rule of writing is “show, don’t tell”
It’s okay, I’m patient
He was pronounced Dad On Arrival
Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.
Mexico : Now, about that wall
Not all heroes snare crepes.
One day my prints will come.
She would just Anne Boleyn.
cuz he gotta pay the bill
Wow, neuro-surgeon huh... I'd like to pick your brain....
He did not get it...
(those type of pun opportunities dont come to mind that often...) ((another one bitches))
He got the cold shoulder
Delivery Man: Here's your queso guacamole
Manager: Is that a new flavor of guacamole?
Delivery Man: Nope it's just a case of it.
The workers hoped it would soon so they could get back on track
A Predateor.
I said "probably Lee or Levis." I laughed for about 5 minutes.
... and noticed 3 pieces of meat hanging from the celing upon entering his house. The boy asks his father, "What's this about?" The dad replies, "If you can jump up and slap the meat, you don't have to do any chores for the next month. However, if you miss, you have to do your chores and your brother's chores, along with no video games for a month. Still wanna do it?" The boy replies, "No thanks, I'm good." The dad responds, "I figured you would say that, I did raise the steaks pretty high."
(not before tee hee 😂)"
Actual email from my dad from last weekend, including emoji.
So my wife and I were talking about everybody loves Raymond and how sad it was that Dorris Robert's had past away.
My wife said, "did you know that all three kids were siblings in real life?"
I responded, "Well I knew the twins were related!"
She did not find it as amusing as I did.
"Excuse me Sir, do you have any baggage to check in?" "No, I'm travelling light"
My dad to his sister "Did you hear about the two antenna that got married?" "no." "Oh, the wedding was alright, but the reception was great!"
My aunt and I lost it. The rest of the room filled with groaning.
"Tennish" RIP Sir Sean.
About tennish.
Because they like to beat the crowd.
Tennish
“I’m a turtle” he says
Oh...well who’s that on your back then?
He replies, “That’s Michelle...”
Ten-ish
Ten-Ish
10ish
Tennish
